The end of another year: 2013 in reflection.

The 29th.

So I've decided for my 'end of year' post to try and do it in three segments so I can abbreviate. This one is the apologies bit that I made no fuss over the fact I've reach the limbo age of teen, 17, in which one can claim to be a child yet justify downing some vodka because you're nearly 18, after all. I've enjoyed this transaction, as it's been rather strange leaving behind 16 - an age I felt I'd settled into rather well, carrying the correct amount of angst to pull it off. 

On top of this, I've had Rants for over a year now and made no fuss. I think I'll made a fuss every prime number or something, that'd be a fun tradition to begin. But maybe not. Maybe nothing needed to be said, rants was not there over a year ago or so and now it is, serving as my "message" to the people. Well, outside of all the other sites I'm, which serve as temporary vessels whereas this is my main ship, sort of thing.

Now onto the topic at hand; the end of 2013. I'm not going to lie about this year, as it's easy for everyone to do. People either undermine what they have done or glorify it. By keeping it to the strictest reality one's memory can, you get an honest reflection. And over a period of 365 days, when you really think about it, you probably have done a lot more then you give yourself credit for. Good and bad. 

It's like when you've not seen a friend in a while then you tell them what's been 'going on' and you suddenly blank, only over the natural course of conversation being able to update them of all sorts going on. They'll interpret everything going on as very hectic and recognise your accomplishments. You won't. Why? Because it's your life, very hard to do so with your own life, you're living it. 

It's why autobiographies are shocking for many, as they realise their lives are readable, eventful things. A lot happened to me, which I'll talk about tomorrow. *Click*


The 30th

OK. So I best get on with talking about the year. Tomorrow's going to be about the future. Today is going to be about the year itself. 2013 was eventful. Every year is, like I said yesterday. But it was eventful as life happened but it wasn't as crazy as it has been. In many ways, it's been a quiet one. The first sixth months I spent a lot of time in "relationship limbo", only to have the last four be "ohgodwhyamIlonely" which are not really two great states to be at all. I had about 2 months break from this in July to August then kinda of thrown into the deep end of reality about it.

That's been tough. But then, I think about what I've accomplished: I did my GCSEs this year -- actually getting good enough grades in them (aside Maths), I found my Path to Quakerim and managed to move school 'successfully'. There were some goodbyes which do feel apt to this day for some people in my life but in many ways, I think my friends and I have bonded in ways that school was limiting us to do so. And then, this has been a year to make several new friends. Moving school does that to a fellow.

I found the move was a big event. I was so settled, or so I thought, only to be whisked away and find myself in a new environment without the friends of yesteryear that I usually had to fall back on. I flutter quite often, it's how I deal with being so extroverted. But my close friends were a safety net, who didn't just had to engage me in debate or whatever and I could just relax. I couldn't just do that with any group of people. But it occurs to me, despite theatrics, I am an honest person and that made life easier. So many new people I've met, such an excellent, thriving academic atmosphere.

Then the Quakerism. I've been on my path to learn of my light for some 5 months now and it's always changing and developing. I'm more evangelical in my practice of Quakerism, and in many ways aside living by the testimonies of Peace/Love/Equality/Truth, I actually talk more theologically like a Christian - however what I actually believe is very complex. And that's natural. The story my path is  quite simple: I turned up at the mountains and believe that there was more, as I looked around at the almost artistic beauty.

Since then, I've found myself being happier as I've answered a lot of spiritual questions. So between that and meeting a bunch of awesome new people, the year has been good to me in a lot of ways. I've opened up spiritually, learning a lot about myself which in turn has meant that the life long friend of me is actually way more likeable. That has kept me strong throughout this year. That I a worth things, that I am not worth other things. And that's honestly why I walk around with an air of exuberance...or arrogance as a lo of other people would call it. Perhaps it is!

2013 was the time I awoke; the time I began to get focused. I want to do things, I have ambitions and I want to be able to follow them through. So that is my year, in a very short manner as I don't have 365 days to relay it to you. But it's been grand, as most times are and I hope it can only better. A lot of people are feeling 2014 as a big year, for some reason I'm feeling like it's the Year of the Great Debate. And I have around...7 hours and 2 minutes until it begins, more or less. The excitement. And tomorrow, I get it'd be "resolutions" but I don't want to be shot out back so tomorrow is about the many tomorrows to come.  *Click*.

The 31st

Here we are again.

One of my biggest problems is that in the long run I never know what I want so I cross a lot in my views. It means I develop but also never actually get things done. So what I'm trying to do is make sure that I do have things done. That stories are finished, that poetry makes it past my whiteboard and then my RPG ideas actually become RPGs. Along with this, the extra-notes I plan on doing for school? Actually fucking do them Uly. Each time I've finished something this year, there's been an immense amount of pride and it's worked well. Hopefully, my to do list in 2014 will shrink as time goes on.

Pacing myself, making sure I spend the correct amount of time. I begin things but I want to make sure I see things through. Even if in 2015, 2016, etc means I don't, I want 2014 to count for me finishing everything. And not to be overly-ambitious. Currently; I have an idea for a Doctor Who fic, a Steampunk Fantasy World and Superhero stories. IT's actually just getting it down on paper, I really want to make sure I don't fuck up. Leave "WIP" on every document until I can renamed it finished. (I'd love to go through all the hard drives and dig things up but...Jesus that'd take a lot of time).

I'm not saying anything's going to be fantastic next year because, I don't know. I have a feeling that with Scottish Independence, heated up Right Wing Movements and the General Election not too far away, not to mention a heap of other problems (it'll be interesting to see where Syria is in a year for instance) there's going to be a lot of high-octane debate. I welcome you, our future, to teach us old messages some that one day we may learn something new. That really is all I have to say. Carry on doing what I'm doing, finish things, make sure we get a crack good debate out of events.

Happy New Year's Eve and goodbye to you, 2013 A.D.


*Click*

The 28th Day of the 11th Month.

Today is a rather monumental day in the calendar of Uly's teens. Around a couple of years ago, I had a bit scare that I struggle to ever forget. So today I play a lot of Frank Turner and I struggle to feel anything but sad. But that's OK. Because sometimes, we feel sad. It's all about how you deal with that. Nowadays? I think I'm pretty good at dealing with it. Back then; perhaps not. But those events have shaped me to the young man I am today. And as painful as it was, I think taking it all away would be foolish, even if I could.

Many great things have happened since then. Many bad things too, naturally. I once got told that through life - joy and pain walk hand in hand. It is something that has stayed with me forever and then some. It makes the bad times easier, knowing that it is simply natural to have bad times. Helps me appreciate the good when it's right in front of me. Which I think is good for *my* welfare - you can be as miserable as you like if it works for you but attempting shinning optimism is how I can get out of bed and how I finish the day.

It's hard. It always will be. I was speaking with a friend recently who told me we are, as humans, dissatisfied. It's how we got out of the caves. But, emotionally, that's very hard to interpret. I think that's why we have faith, or spirituality - it offers some existential satisfaction. Maybe I'm wrong, after all - I'm just sixteen year old kid trying to figure out his place in the world. And that's the honest truth of it.

I've felt numb for a lot of today - even with a lot of this rationalising about the good and bad of life, particularly to do with two years ago. I can't help it. But I think one of the reasons I've felt numb is that all I've had to do is look around and see the good things in my life. The EXCELLENT things. I'm seemingly surrounded by friends - all more smarter, kinder souls then me - who seem  to really enjoy my company.

I have an environment where finally *I* feel accepted and I'm getting to do subjects I enjoy and then, on top of that, clubs I enjoy. My old friends - we look like ancient brothers when we stand next to each other. Our encounters now are like we had been given the opportunity to simply wander to the heavens and go into our splendour memories to simply have fun.

Life is good. And I hear that life isn't so good for other people but trust me; it does get better. You have to be in charge of that, which is hard but it does. I'm a testament to it. Buddhism talks about this idea of how we're constantly getting reborn until we reach enlightenment, as a punishment. I didn't like this idea at first but it makes me think "we're all on a path to redemption". And that really sums up life for me.

Finally, between this rather cryptic ramble, I have a lot of people to thank. I was going to try and tag you all and say something different but there's a lot of you. Seriously. A lot of you. To whoever's just gone "well I hope you're okay"/"well I'm here if you need to talk", to those who've said I'm a lovely person, to those women - AH THOSE WOMEN! Who have had unrivalled patience with my foolishness, to those close friends, to the family and to the guy who saved me, 2 years tomorrow that is.

To the absent friends, the ones who stayed, the ones who've just come in and the (hopefully) many more to come in the future. I love you all. I am self-absorbed, arrogant, egotistical, theatrical, loud, strange and struggle with lots of "human" things but I do. And please, seriously, you are all so wonderful and I am honoured that you are all my friends. And without further adieu, here's the mandatory "If I Ever Stray" Quote by Frank Turner:

"If you've got my back I'll go on, if you got my back I'll go on."

X

Our final frontier? (Me being deep with Nerdyness).

All week I've been trying to think of something meaningful to say about my friends and I moving school/college/onto Sixth form but I can't think of anything. So instead, I think it's time to just quote Star Trek. Some fans would argue it holds great meaning, that Roddenberry (show creator for those of you don't know) was this great visionary. Maybe he was, I can't speak for him nor can anyone else. But there is a certain line, I'm sure most have heard it at least in parody, played at the beginning of the episodes of Star Trek the Original Series and the Next Generation. It is as follows:

                      “Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

 

While I don't count myself as the Captain of a Spaceship (well not really anyway), this quote seems somewhat relevant. Remove the fact it's about a science fiction Show. One thing that as a writer you begin to learn, especially when scribbling for poetry or a blog, is that words are important. Your selection can't be "whatever makes sense" it has to be "whatever seems right.". Or maybe that's me being pedantic. We will never knooooow! Words can meaning anything you want them to mean, which is how you can clarify a good actor from the bad and an honest politician from a filthy liar. It's the way they are delivered and the way they are presented. With the Star Trek "opening"? I think there's a lot of that you can rearrange to make it sound...apt for what I'm trying to say in this post that I've not been able to say because I've ran out of my own words. So please dear reader bear with me and see that I have a point with all this and not just being a complete and utter nerd. 

There was a sense that we were on a voyage for five years, on a mission to try and explore the strange new worlds of highschool and adolescence along with trying to seek out new aspects of life and trying to discover new points about civilisation. We wished to boldly go where no had gone before...In our friends group. Or, where no little 11 year old me, or my friends or my peers had gone. We wanted to be people and wanted to try and find the perks of Secondary school, to explore the world around us. That's part of life, isn't it? Everyone does some bloody exploration. Except, our three series'/five-year mission is over. Captain Kirk has been promoted, Spock's gone all Buddha and McCoy's off being a grumpy old sod in the other direction. Changes happen in the characters line but you wanna know what happened?

They made six films. And about 4/6 of them were good. Then there was the next series' and the legacy of Star Trek carried on. I guess what I'm trying to say is; Kirk, Spock and McCoy got to see each other even with the five-year mission over. Sure, it wasn't the same. They had all this character development and inside jokes that just made them seem like just a bunch of old buggers having a damn good time. I can't say I'm an old bugger, far from it. But I think we've had that character development. And sometimes, the time to hang out will never seem enough or the same as the "old days." But we're not doing that five year mission any more. It sucks but we always have that time of the "Five Year mission" to look back on. 

Right now? I'm about to engage in a two year mission. It's a lot deadlier and might not have the great support cast that the five year one did. I'm treating it like the Star Trek Animated Series; it kind of feels very out of place with itself yet oddly good. I think. Right; I think that's good enough. So remember, dear friends; we have completed our mission. I have no idea if we were successful or not but what I know is that we had a damn good laugh. And while it won't have that same feeling as just "being in class with X, Y & Z", we will have things greater then that linking us together: genuine, honest friendship. 

There we go, something moderately deep with Star Trek. 

Lyrics that evoke feelings in us.

This blog post is possibly more poetic then anything I've put up here. But, I've meaning to write about this for some time now.

Now I've gotten into a lot more music recently, notably the infamous Billy Bragg. Like Frank Turner, he's got heavy focus on his lyrics and sees it very much like Poetry applied to some instruments (or, this is the impression I've gotten off interviews and lyrics and gigs with Bragg & Turner). And there's a particular song, perhaps you've heard of it, that I've taken to. "A New England." There are very few times I say this, as it's not a statement to say candidly I believe but: this song has touched my soul. Now before I carry on, I think it's important that we clarify my own definition as to what a soul is:

You know how people say "listen to your heart" or "listen to your head"? I think it's the biggest load of bull ever said. It all boils down to your endorphins and thoughts and how your endorphins/feelings are causing the chemical reactions in your brain. But, to put it more poetically, I think that the two definitely work together. Sometimes people have their feelings over-control their thoughts (people like me) and then others have their thoughts rule their feelings. While both can be helpful, the harmony between these two ideas is what makes up a soul; treat it like the left and right sides of your brain coming together. It's your physical being, your emotional state and mentality all coming together to form your soul. It's constantly with you and something that you have for life and is forever growing. So saying that a song "touches your soul"? It's not something I say lightly.

But this song does. You know when you like a girl a go: gee, this song describes the situation perfectly! Or, when you break up with someone and it describes it aptly, or perhaps a falling out with someone, etc. Music has that power, simply because music is all about interpreting what you hear. People like Bragg, Frank Turner, folks musicians, punk rock musicians, you name it? They all believe in the philosophy that music brings people together. I'm of a similar mindset, that despite disagreeing what a song means you can still love a song with your fellow man/fellow fan of a musician. With "A New England", it basically describes my entire "sage" of liking girls. From when I was a wee lad and my childhood crushes, to now my mid-late adolescence with my first taste of love.

This is why I love poetry and music. Sometimes it can call out to you in a way the artist isn't ever expecting it to do with someone. I've emailed, tweeted and messaged bands I like about certain songs they've written and how I've had a soundtrack made up of these songs. And that to me is a truly powerful thing. And A New England? It definitely does that. I've never thought anyone could write about my entire "love life" by complete accident. It's something that if I ever get to meet Mister Billy Bragg, I'm be sure to tell him (or starstruck, similar to how I was when I met Frank Turner. Thank my bro that he managed to get some words out of me). Anyway, not only do I post the lyrics to end but also; are there any songs that evoke emotions in you in a similar fashion, reader? Comment anywhere I post this!

The Lyrics:

"I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song 

I'm twenty-two now, but I won't be for long 

People ask me when will I grow up to understand 

Why the girls I loved at school are already pushing prams 

I loved you then as I love you still 

Though I put you on a pedestal, you put me on the pill 

I don't feel bad about letting you go 

I just feel sad about letting you know 

I don't want to change the world 

I'm not looking for a new England 

I'm just looking for another girl 

I loved the words you wrote to me 

But that was bloody yesterday 

I can't survive on what you send 

Every time you need a friend 

I saw two shooting stars last night 

I wished on them, but they were only satellites 

It's wrong to wish on space hardware 

I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care 

I don't want to change the world 

I'm not looking for a new England 

I'm just looking for another girl 

My dreams were full of strange ideas 

My mind was set despite the fears 

But other things got in the way 

I never asked that boy to stay 

Once upon a time at home 

I sat beside the telephone 

Waiting for someone to pull me through 

When at last it didn't ring, I knew it wasn't you 

I don't want to change the world 

I'm not looking for a new England 

I'm just looking for another girl"

Back from my runaway, now to talk about names again.

Names for some reason seems to be a popular theme in my life.

Around 4 months ago I posted something about screenames that I use.  And I thought; "well hey I won't need to post about names ever again." But I think back to before I was blogging and how I wrote something just after I changed my Facebook display name from Xavier to Jones (my real last name). That was back when I was a bit younger and I thought "being the weird kid" was what I was meant to do. And now I look back, chuckle slightly and continue with my campaign of life. But names seem to crop up everywhere.

At Lifebeat, I found within myself the name "Bear" as a 'Spirit Name'. Now, I'm not too sure what this means or what it entails. The person who I was speaking to about spirit names used his as his well, regular name as he felt truly comfortable with it. My spirit name is a reflective of me, really; hairy, tall, standing strong, tired during the winter. And a bear will only attack you if it feels that you're a threat of some sort. It had this big grizzlyness to it that in many ways, I associate with myself. And people can think what they like about that, as spirit names & all that isn't for everyone but that name spoke to me.

Poetically, I say souls exist. I say that something can "touch our soul" because I think it's a combination of that of your mind, body and your feelings. Like; your physical body and the left & right sides of your brain makes up a soul to me. It's what makes you whole. It's more of a symbolic gesture more then anything. But that name "spoke to my soul" after I heard the roar of thunder when I claimed to not have a spirit name. It's some coincidence perhaps but I'm so spiritually intertwined currently that I cannot shrug it off as one. Perhaps that is youth and my current exploration of spirituality for me.

But this post is about NAMES! Again. And my point was; it's amazing how transparent they are. I use to use Xavier very commonly and it was okay. I've gone through a variety of screenames and still continue with my real name and hell, shortened versions of my name to "Ul" and "U". But my name is Durnik first, right? So why on Earth do we as a species fuss so much? As far as we know, we're possibly one of the only species to have developed such a system of identification. Perhaps I'm wrong. After all, I can't speak the languages of over billions of species out there. I barely manage with English and Welsh.

I should be Durnik. In fact, it's a consideration for my new school to be called Durnik. Then there's Ulysses, which is actually an Italian-Roman translation from Ulisse, which is actually an Italian translation from Odysseus. (Some simply etymology for you there). I could be Kenneth too. Or Ken or Kenny. BUT I don't like using Ken or Kenny, I have on my birth certificate Ulysses and my Parents named me Durnik but it is seldom used. Names are just things we assign and we're comfortable using certain names for certain things. Nicknames are produced as a friendly tag for someone, insults as something nasty for you to hurt someone.

And with the internet allowing you to recreate identity? You can come up with a dozen screenames now. I do, I've proven that on a post already. And now I have some strange Spirit name that I can only assume was just some weird coincidence for God to give me another name. Perhaps a "true" name but I really cannot be sure. Just because thunder roared I guess I can't just put all my cards on that? But maybe it was just a calling. I know people who have changed their birth name via legal documents, who use identities and feel more comfortable in them. And they're not doing it to stand out, they're doing it because there's safety in a name.

People believe a name can start your track to finding your identity. But maybe they are just things that accumulate like dust on some bookshelf you never attend to over a lifetime. David Eddings had characters who lived for years and years who seemed to really hold a sense of apathy when it came to the names they had been placed, even with titles of grandeur that are meant to be respected it just becomes all such a farce to the characters. And perhaps that's what names are to me nowadays. So I guess it's time to make a rap up as it's getting very rambly.

Names are things we collect, should be carried and selectively. For then, we can wonder about our identities in real ways and be able to truly explore and really wipe away fundamentals to find out who we are. I carry very little similarities to Durnik, coincidentally a traveller as my Parents intended when calling me Ulysses and vaguely similar to Kenneth. Then Bear? I'm not sure what that means. But I'm sure at some point, at some time, I will know what I'm doing with names currently.

7 Facts About Uly you may or may not know already.

Now my last post  was a big...on edge if you please. But this is designed for fun. FOR FUN DAMN YOU! Anyway, these sorts of posts are always an interesting read from POV so now it's time to do my own! I tell a lot of people a lot of different things about myself, I'm intending to get some facts that I think the majority of people will not know at all. I think a few may have made the observations mentally? IF YOU HAVE DON'T RUIN IT FOR OTHERS!

Anyway, let's go from....

#1 - I love clothes!: It's true! I love clothes. Though this doesn't necessarily mean I'm a designer kid, I just my different clothes. I love seeing when someone has gotten some amazing jumper to go with the right pair of jeans, or some really pretty dress accessorised with some nice jewellery. When I was younger, I use to apparently change my clothing up to 3 times a day. We'd just get ready to go before I suddenly felt an urge to change my clothes into something new. I've never been fashionable but I always try and be careful with clothing I pick up. I pretend when I'm out that I have "enough of things" just so I don't go on a clothes binge. Buuut then I run out clothes. Which is never fun. 

#2 - I think Shakespeare is FAIRLY overrated: I like Shakespeare as much as the next man but I do think that he's overrated in about 2 aspects. There were many poets around the same time as him who wrote Italian-styled sonnets and we don't recognise their gorgeous work as we're all too covered up by the whole "Summer's Day" la-di-da. People can argue to me that Shakespeare revolutionised the way we wrote poetry and you know, helped us develop the entirety of the English language but hats off to a lot of the other romance poets who were just as good as him. He made the sonnet this God-like poetic art form and then everyone thinks that is it when actually, you can do so many different things. Odes, free form, haiku, what have you. (That rhymed intentionally, appreciate it). 

Then secondly, Shakespeare just told the old ancient stories for a modern audience. Essentially, J.R.R Tolkien did the same thing when he wrote LOTR and George Lucas when he made Star Wars. Shakespeare is said to be this "master storyteller". Bullshit! He just modernised classical Euro/British Myths and legends so that we could comfortably watch them in the 1500s. And that is pretty impressive but seeing as there were people who recorded these epic ballads firstly, I don't think he should be heralded for genius that really, wasn't that too much of genius. Though you know, I do love a good Shakespearan poem or play. It's not that I hate him and he did incredible things and all buuut I just think he gets a lot of over-the-top credit. 

#3 - I have Ferrari Brain Syndrome: A lot of people throughout my life have called this crap but, when I was about 8 or 9 I was subjugated to a bunch of tests where there were wires to do with my brain responses to things. They could've diagnosed me with Aspergers or ADD,or ADHD or whatever at a stretch (I'm emotionally intuitive and not exactly hyper, I'll explain now) but they did say I had something which is known as "Ferrari Brain". It doesn't necessarily mean I'm clever. 

It just means that my brain goes REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY fast with loads of stuff going on then suddenly people try and grind it to a halt and that means I'm very energetic and very hyperactive most of the time. It's because I have so much always happening in my brain and I interoperate everything really fast. Actually, it's probably why I'm as impulsive as I am and why I struggle with school because I have a constant zoom going on.  It also makes me very nervous at times and makes my brain and emotions correspond badly. Which I guess all teens go through. 

#4 - Since about the age of 8 I've thought I was a compulsive liar: See, I'm not sure if that's true or not. I'm trusting of well, anyone with anything but I cannot even trust myself most of the time. It's not that I just go 'round spouting bullshit, at least I don't think I do but my brain has a moment with EVERY fact I say that says "you're speaking from your behind" so I am never sure. But then; can you recognise that you're a compulsive liar? So it's mostly a huge part of overthinking on my behalf. I operate off the idea I'm speaking the truth nowadays and if anyone ever catches bullshit from my mouth I probably haven't recognised that it was bullshit whatsoever. Maybe it's just one big overthink. 

#5 - Every time before Doctor Who: I say I don't like Doctor Who. I say I actually will not watch, won't engage and that I've never enjoyed it. I have no idea why either! But for some reason just as Who's right behind the corner, I suddenly retreat and don't want to have anything to do with it. I think it's because of my bad experience on Tumblr and all the "Whovians" there? I'm not too sure. But I was part of the 6.2 million who were watching last night and yet I *know* when a series begins? I'll be doubting my like in the show! It's hilariously strange. 

#6 - I nearly had braces: Okay so I don't know if anyone's ever noticed while looking at my ugly mug that I've got two rather prominent front teeth on top. Then if I try and shut my mouth, it's very awkward. Well imagine that but when you're 12 and it's even worse. There's actually a problem with my teeth that leads a gap between them. And for several years I use to go and see an Orthodontist who was HORRIBLE and lacked any people skills and made me get my last six baby teeth removed. Eventually, I drew a line at adult teeth getting pulled out when there is a possibility of my jaw naturally straightening. 

Well, there was that. ALSO the fact I would have braces making me slightly nazzly, glasses and was into comicbooks and not to mention off-beat, I didn't need more of a reason for kids to pick on me, I mean Jesus Christ D: So I ended up opting out. I am, however, probably going to see if I can pursue getting braces now as my gap seems to had gotten smaller then it's now back to how it use to be so I'm gaping a lot more. So girls, I may not just be staring at your beauty, it might be that I'm struggling to shut my mouth. 

And now for our seven magical shinning fact...

#7 - I LOVE MARS BARS <3: This is probably quite well known! But my favourite chocolate bar is a Mars Bar. I can't end tons and tons of them and love some good old Cadbury's Dairy Milk as something to truly gorge upon when I need a chocolate fix but there is something so magical about a Mars Bar. It's very sugary, I know and it's probably very bad for your teeth/stomach whatever but it taste sooo nice and I've always loved me a Mars Bar. Without failure, people get me a Mars Bar easter egg every year, I love the Mars Bar milkshake (but we rarely get as it's so expensive) and every once in a while, I'll take about 2 months where I won't have one just so when I do, it's glorious. 

Seriously. Mars Bars. They're amazing. You want to win my heart? Tell me you love Spider-Man, get me some flowers and a Mars Bar and we're good to go. 

So I think this has a jollier tone then my last post. Hopefully I'm going to have something up in the forms of a Part 2 to my Spider-Man film idea and eventually, I'll group them all together! I hope people enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! 

1, 2 Fuck you! (Some incoherent angry rant about basically everything).

I'm in a bitter mood. I try not to just blog feelings as then the blog becomes a stupidly open place. And everyone warns me not to "publish my life online" but fuck you, I'm already an open person so why should I really care? If I'm in a bad mood, I'm going to bring my bad mood to light. Because I think I'm the most important being in the universe and so everyone should care. Anyway, I get in this fight about the hypothetical about if I fail my GCSEs and I have to get full-time employment. I then must pay my keep. I dunno, just pissed me off 'cause it's about £60 of wages gone and I'll have no money so not only will I lack qualifications, I'll lack money so I can't even go and do anything fun, can I. Just fuck everyone man.

I hate ranting about family here as I know people will find a way to comment on something, bring it up and start an argument online. It's fucking bullshit. Really is. I don't have space to argue with anyone online as everyone is a fucking idiot. Including me. Everyone chooses to be on the extreme of some issue, or just be arguing to "rustle jimmies" or some other bullshit. This is why we can't use the internet as some modern, interactive means of rising the level of debate. And my Brother and I had a big argument that I was coming from some idealistic, liberal aristocratic bullshit corner of trying to divide people who wish not to partake in this debate and those who do but that's taking away basic right of freedom: the freedom to choose.

Well fuck you, you apathetic assholes who claim to care whenver something bad happens to you. You're a selfish, broodish, ignorant, stupid lot who don't deserve free healthcare or safe streets. At least with all these foreigners moving in from countries WHERE THEY GET SHOT AT people can value that of democracy. Because people should give a shit and take things seriously, not as seriously as I take things seriously but seriously nonetheless. As, I've said several times earlier, it's bullshit. REALLY. ARGH. WHY DID I EVEN GET OUT OF BED TODAY? I wish I could get out of bed in some bigass house that was just handed to me on a silver platter and then I could get to work on writing 3 sentences.

I really don't have drive to do anything any more. I don't even mind. But God damn it, I think I'm about to be severely depressed again and have no choice over it at this rate. Now that, children, is oversharing. But actually fuck it, let's get rid of the stigma of Mental Health. If we all stopped fucking tiptoeing for each other the whole fucking universe would run a lot smoother. Now we just spend time trying to pander to people. God, I hate that. Pandering and apathy - they run rampant in society and we shouldn't be laughing and we should get up and do something and only laugh when they begin to burn us for something.

Shame really. Wanted my first post back from lifebeat to filled with the positivity that was instilled within me because that was such a wonderful place. It was a creative arts camp where we had such a close, open, loving community. I've made some truly fantastic friends. Which is why my Part 2 of the Spider-Man trilogy hasn't come out yet. Which I may/may not decide to do via a Youtube video as, I've not filmed a Youtube video in a while. I do need a better camera though. Have you ever noticed how completely upper-middle class a lot of the famous Youtubers are? It's how they're successful, metinks.

I feel slightly better. Results are getting to me, a lot more then I thought. But I also think I've got an itching amount of tension after a huge fight with someone. Who I am not going to name as someone will read it and somewhere along the pipe lines this'll make it to that someone. So instead it's just anonymous. There we go. RRRRNNNNG I need to go and do something constructive with this Hulk like rage. When it comes to me, everyone is fucked.

The Spider-Man Films: My Way! (Part 1)

Bare with me, Non-Comicbook Nerds, this is probably going to be full of such Nerdom is may explode your mind. (Gosh, sorry, that's so condescending isn't it? Well it's just really full of lots of Comicbook Nerdom and it'll be rather referenced to Comics!).

Max Landis, this awesome Nerdy Writer/Director who also doubles up as a Superman commentator on Youtube, released a 42 minute long video on what he would do if he could idealistically write Superman's Death + Return. It really evoked something within me to get up and talk about my favourite Superhero Spider-Man. But Not talk about a revamp of Arcs (though I do have a couple of ideas and new stuff too!) instead, let's talk about comicbook films. For those of you who don't know, I've got my issues with comicbook superhero films coming out.

While I loved the blockbuster known as the Avengers, as an avid Comic fan I feel they're catering to new fans because they feel like we'll never be satisfied. There's a lot of sides to this argument and basically, I've just embraced the fact I'm a Nerd and a purist and I like it like that and hate seeing my characters getting translated just to pander to someone. But anyway -- I wanna talk about Spider-Man already! If you don't know, Spidey's my favourite superhero ever simply because of all the nostalgia connected to him and the fact I can relate to him and that he is amazing. 

While I thoroughly enjoyed Amazing Spider-Man, I have my doubts over it. There's been talk of adding in MJ, Harry Osborn, a roster of Villains and following Peter's Parents story without using SHIELD (which is vital if you know your stuff - though I guess what you could do is use the CIA. Basically, they were spies in the...Cold War? I think and they were called traitors when really, they weren't).

But there seems to be too many plot lines running around trying to abridge 50 years worth of history into 3-4 films. And that is where Sony is going wrong. Because to be honest? That IS impossible.  Okay, so to point out, this is if every character in the Marvel U was linked under Marvel Studios. I'm not sure if I'd set it in the same 'verse as the Avengers right now as I'm not sure where the Cinematic 'Verse is going buuut just assume that every character can legally co-exist with the other. 

This would mean a lot of being able to utilise a lot of Superheroes within the Spidey films but I don't really do it for that, it's for the access of the vast universe. DC Comics maybe as big as Marvel but Marvel had a tendency to really be branched out thus creating convoluted threads of plots and characters. It's why I think it's always harder to write fanfic/RP of Marvel because it doesn't seem to have anything straightforward. Characters are at 4 places at once on a ridiculous level. 

Anyway, I have a trilogy in mind as things in 3 are lovely (except shoes and relationships and a few other things, now that I think about it). I have names: Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man, Spectacular Spider-Man and finally Ultimate Spider-Man. In the first part of the blog post (if between all the bloody parenthesis and digressions) I'm going to talk mostly about "Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-man." I say mostly, I mean I am going to talk about Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-man. By now I think if you’re going to see a Spider-Man film everyone knows Great Power Comes with Great responsibility and Uncle Ben dies at the hands of a robber Peter chose not to stop when he could’ve. (Oh no, spoilers!) 

Anyway; this origin is very straight forward. While I enjoyed ASM’s handling of it and love Martin Sheen, I really am getting tired of the need to patronise an audience, giving them an origin that isn’t a necessity any more. So here’s what I’d do: let’s start a Spider-Man film from a year on or so from his origin point. He’s been Spidey a year or so, done the whole wrestling thing and has seen Uncle Ben die. Life is pretty great – he just stops average crooks except that Kingpin guy; boy what a creep!

However, Spider-Man hasn’t met any super-powered crooks. Sure, he’s come across some weirdass Irish guy called Will O’Wasp and a couple of other weird guys like that but nothing exactly out-of-the-ordinary.  The film opens to Spider-Man just chasing some goons/beating bad guys and NO inner-monologue. It pains me to say that because frankly, Spidey needs his inner-voice narrating and it’s been essential for the stories to continue. However, we just hear a Police radio, then sirens and suddenly some rather dramatic playful music before suddenly; Spider-Man enters the scene! And is full of playful jokes and is a badass. 

We then sort of get him rushing to go and do something for Aunt May but being late, yet again. “Oh Peter!” We hear as usual and then there’s somewhat laughter. 

There’s sadness among them as it’s the day Uncle Ben died and if Hollywood really wants to cater to the “fresh audience” then we get an explanation/flashback as to what happened. This just fills in and then Peter Parker goes off and realises he better get to school (he’s just been on a “paper round” that he doesn’t get any money from…) and immediately, we’re introduced to Pete’s friend Harry, who despite being very popular uses Pete for answers to tests but has found his company very honest and pleasant.

There’s a scene in class with Flash Thompson picking on Peter, Harry half-sticking up for him, Liz Allan (Flash’s girlfriend) also taunting Peter, then suddenly a redheaded girl sticking up for Peter quite fiercely but before he takes any real notice, Pete can’t help but stare at the blonde haired girl in front of him. She’s known as Gwendolyn Stacy and Peter thinks the whole freaking world of her. The redhead? She’s Mary Jane Watson and has been Peter’s friend for a looooooong time. 

While I do love me some 616 MJ (the mainstream comics-verse) I also happen to love a bit of the early Ultimate Spider-Man MJ who portrays her as more nerdy. So for the films, for various reasons, she shall be a nerd who’s close with Pete. Then there are a couple of mentions: Randy Robbertson, whose Father works for the Daily Bugle and a quiet kid called Hobbie Brown who hates everyone. 

I’d really spend some time trying to flesh out some of these characters in just a few scenes, nothing too special. We’d get through that and it’d be nothing too special, all except the interactions of Harry, MJ, Peter and Gwen. Harry will hit on Mary Jane a lot, she’ll deflect and Peter will mumble around Gwen. Shortly after they leave, Harry & Peter are taking before MJ tackles Peter and simply go: “go ask her out!”

Very frantically and sort of runs off to go with Liz, who happens to be her other BFF (MJ is nerdy but hides it most of the time. Only her and Harry have sympathy for Peter in School). Peter will sort of wonder off in a daze before suddenly FORESHADOWING YAY! And there’s “Harry’s Dad” who comes to pick him up and is awfully polite/creepy with Peter. 8D There’d be some rushing I guess but on the whole, I guess it would kinda work. This sort of first half hour introduces everyone. (5 minutes on the fight scene, 5 at Aunt May’s, 10 at School and 10 for our next section!) 

Which is: the Daily Bugle. I loved the Bugle in the first 3 set of films. They got it spot on. But, I would still try and add its own flare. Parker would not only be taking photos of Spider-Man but he’d be writing the Daily Bugle blog…Along with the “Spider-Man Tracker” Blog too. Because that sort of thing is modern and one of touches that once again I enjoyed from Ultimate Spider-Man and could be translated quite nicely. 

When suddenly there’s a report of mysterious kidnappings, Peter Parker gets very suspicious. Immediately, he starts snooping around so he can write the blog but also so he has a Spider-Man hunch about things. Now THIS is the trickiest part of my first “film”…How you would lead to the villain. It’s pretty simple, I guess: this guy from Russia, Dmitri Smerdyakov, has come in to work with the Kingpin on an arm’s deal. Now this reporter called Ben Urich is OBSESSED with trying to catch the Kingpin as he’s such a big crimelord. 

Hell, he even has help from the DA office…Some guy called Matt Murdock (OH THE FORESHADOWING!) But he even believes that businessman Wilson Fisk is this Kingpin guy which Pete thinks is NUTS!

Oh and did I mention Aunt May borrowed money from Wilson Fisk? Yeeeah. So that kinda REALLY SUCKS! Peter goes to stop a scene of gun trading with this Russian and looks for a familiar face (or the face that was described) but cannot see it in the crowds anywhere. However, he does see Wilson Fisk and manages to snap a photo of him at the crime scene. Which then gets published. WHICH MAKES PETER A BIG SHOT FOR A SECOND IN THE PAPER! But then makes the Kingpin really mad. So he turns to Dmitri, who has turned up with a different face on-screen (before hand, we saw a file photo of some guy. Now it’s completely different). 

Dmitri and Kingpin figure out who has caused this photo to be published by looking at CCTV and seeing Ben & Peter on the cameras. Dmitri then cackles and goes: “Aside selling weapons, I have another ability”. Then there’s this shot of Kingpin being horrified then smiling and there’s a shadow of a face being taken off. We then cut to Peter, who feels on top of the world and gets enough courage to ask out Gwen Stacy. She’s taken aback but agrees and they agree to go for a date on Friday night at cheapest place that’s still classy too.

Peter then is slinging about town before suddenly, he sees a group of criminals attacking Ben Urich and quickly FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD SPIDER-MAN, TO THE RESCUE! Only when that happens, Spidey is suddenly attacked massively by Ben Urich, who definitely is not Ben Urich. He says: “I am the first of many” during this epic street-fight scene. Peter’s freaked as he sounds EXACTLY like Ben. And suddenly, Peter Parker feels incredibly nervous as he fights him and is hesitant about trying to beat him up. 

This fight scene is interrupted when he hears reports that somewhere in Queens, right where Peter lives; there's been an attack on an old woman. Spider-Man frantically leaves and is sloppy enough for a tracer to placed upon him by "Ben Urich". Aunt May is left in a battered state and rushed into hospital; this is vengeance for two reasons: the publishing of the photo Peter took and of late payments.

Peter SO MAD. He runs out of the house but before he can do anything, he bumps into MJ. She says that Harry’s trying to wrangle some money around and he goes; “I don’t want your charity, MJ!” but she doesn’t really take that smack talk. And as she comforts him, hell even convincing him to still go on his date, there’s this moment where you go as an audience: “Hey wait a minute---THEY’RE SUPPOSE TO BE TOGETHER, OH MY GOD!” But that moment is suddenly destroyed when they have to move along.

It goes to “Ben Urich” once again and suddenly he takes off his face and goes is a complete white mask. He’s on the phone with the Kingpin who goes “you’re really quite the Chameleon, aren’t you?” And BOOM fanservice. He smiles and goes: “Phase one complete. I wish only my brother were here—” #2 FANSERVICE! Kingpin rushes him along. Then suddenly…He changes to a mask of DUN DUN DUN Harry Osborn.

We cut to where Kingpin is; who by the way is on Payroll because there’s no real evidence yet but we see a gagged up Ben Urich. There’s some lameass joke about “freedom of the Press” or some shit and then suddenly, we see Harry Osborn next to him. Then Harry heads into school, where Peter seems to be recovering ever-so-slightly with the company of Gwen but to the shock of everyone, Harry goes and asks Peter & Gwen if he can double-date with them on that Friday with Mary Jane! They agree and between then and the Date, there is not much of note that happens. 

Peter looks into the harrowing background of Dmitri and also notices Ben’s absence since the fight. He also happens to realise that the kidnappings happening earlier in the plot (YES, I REMEMBERED THOSE) happen to be related to whenever Dmitri has turned up in the vicinity. They reappear for a moment…Only to transfer money to the other missing people’s accounts which then go to a mystery-account.

And just as Peter gets into his mystery? He’s ordered away from the computer to go and report Fisk beginning his time in court. Heading along with another reporter, Ned Leeds (F.A.N.S.E.R.V.I.C.E) and there’s a small report before suddenly BOOM a figure attacks the mob and BOOM there it is: Spider-Man wailing around trying to kill the Kingpin. And Peter is so-mad but even he wouldn’t go that far! He quickly changes to costume and begins a fight with this doppelganger and really starts to lay into him, only to have the two battle it out really furiously and have Wilson Fisk not have any attention on him so no one happens to see him starting to make a getaway. 

This angers everyone but there’s so much confusion over Spider-Man, he’s ruled as a menace by the city! Peter runs off and just as he manages to change into his normal street-clothes? He bumps into “Harry Osborn” who leads him right to where Fisk wants him: to the building that the Kingpin occupies. Suddenly, Harry Osborn takes off his face and reveals a white masked man and Peter dramtically cries: “but…How?!” And this guy just cackles before suddenly grabbing his very own Peter Parker face mask. 

The following scene is: THE DATE! Chameleon-Peter goes to meet MJ and starts hitting on her to start then explains that “Harry’s gonna be a while”. We have a cut-scene to where Peter, Ben Urich, Harry Osborn and other people who Chameleon/Kingpin have kidnapped. Peter is trying to subtly get out as soon as possible. Then, back to the date where Peter is behaving like an ass to Mary Jane and then afterwards to Gwen Stacy.

Peter eventually breaks out, get Harry to lead people through and then says he “has to go and take care of something” then donning his Spider-Man costume on, goes to try and find out where the bad guys are. ‘Cept the only problem is, he suddenly realises where Chameleon gets off to. Before heading out to the date, he comes across a room COVERED with masks of faces. He realises that Chameleon isn’t just some guy working for Kingpin but is really freaking insane. Spidey also figures out that there is a reason why not only Peter Parker was targeted but Harry too….

And it involves his Father Norman, who just so happens to know where the kindappers are and gets his own security to bust in (this happens kinda in the background, we suddenly see a SWAT team busting in of sorts). Spider-Man breaks into the date, starts fighting Chameleon and really kicks his ass this time, trying to get answers. But he just starts rambling about he is everyone and really quite nutty. I’d definitely have a creepy effect going on here. Then we’d get Wilson Fisk and Norman Osborn talking about the fact they “had a deal” and then Fisk says “it was the crazy Russian!   

He’s obsessed at replacing not just impersonating!” It’s then cut off with the police/explosions and the sort. We go back to Chameleon and Spider-Man’s fight, only to have them sparring before finally; Peter takes his facemask off to see the white mask beginning to crack after damage. He starts raving: “DON’T YOU SEE, I AM EVERYONE. EVERYONE. EVERYONE!” And then is unconscious. MJ & Gwen smile slightly at Spider-Man before he keels off in pain/manages to get away. Okay, so there are dramatic slow mo scenes of Fisk in trial and getting away free, of Chameleon getting arrested and of Harry’s return and finally – we see the four on a date. 

Then it goes “1 Month Later” and the first thing on the screen is a Daily Bugle article saying “FISK FREE OF ALL CHARGES” then it zooms out to Peter reading, with a small print near the photograph of “By Peter Parker.” Harry then congratulates Peter on making the front page on something again besides Spider-Man and suddenly, Peter asks Harry if he thinks his Father maybe involved with Wilson Fisk in some way. Harry shakes that comment off and they all go off when their girlfriends (Harry’s being MJ, he really DID like her. I want to highlight that this is so outlined that I’d have more detail on Chameleon’s obsessions) and Gwen Stacy. 

It sort of ends happy but Peter realises – Chameleon wasn’t the only whackjob out there with an almost supernatural ability.

AFTER THE CREDITS

We see darkness and the shape of a strange elf-like face. It’s in a dark room between Wilson Fisk. It goes as follows:

Wilson Fisk: “So, Chameleon is gone. There are others of course…But does this give you good measure on where that vermin stands?”

Mysterious Figure: “Yes…And I think this one’s for me at this rate – hahahahahahahah!” (Evil laughing and cuts off!)

Or something like that, with the Green Goblin’s face getting a glimpse of screen time. And basically, that’s my first film. The choice of villain inspired by Amazing Spider-Man#1. This is an outline so if full of plotholes, it’s a “draft I”. It’s a legist of what I’d do. Stay tuned for Spectacular Spider-Man and Ultimate in Parts 2-3, along with a couple of positions I might put people in!

A late Happy Birthday Note.

OK. So this one is about a friend from the States that I've known for a couple of years who recently, I've had very little contact with. This is partially my fault; sometimes when you're friends with someone you want just companionable silence but when online, it's hard to do such a thing. But she still comes into my thoughts each week and I always wonder how she is doing. It was her birthday some time ago and like my Mum, who I wrote a big Birthday note to, I want to write something for my friend here. It's a birthday gift that's free and considering we're countries apart, something quite warm.

Anyway, here goes nothing.

Dear Athena, 

It was your Birthday just a few days ago but a Royal birth sucked up people being born this week. Sorry about that, as an adamant British Republican I'm working on the Royal family getting removed. But I *did* remember just on the complete wrong day then forgot on the right day. So here's this note, an e-card if you will, for your Birthday. And to be honest, I'm probably going to talk a lot about me because I'm just that Self-absorbed. But it also saves you from great embarrassment from your young dorky Brit friend. 

There are three people in life who from ages 1-20 I know have had it very, very hard. My Mother; moved from foster homes, losing her parents aged 12 and not having any blood family and then my Father, who still carries the scars of his childhood around him like a chain around his neck. Finally, there is you. When I hear of your stories, my blood seems to boil slightly. I get angry and sad that someone so wonderful has such stories to tell. But then I think: well actually - she is wonderful. And that's really something there. 

People who come out with these stories can be angry young men/women, who think the World owes them everything and go around with a chip on their shoulder for a life time. You on the other hand? You seemed to have tread in some dark murky waters and yet come back with a smile on your face, ready to draw and ready to face the world. And that is just so marvellous and I cannot even comprehend how you even do it. Which is why I would probably say that you are one of my heroes. (Up there with Spider-Man, Stan Lee, William Pitt the Younger and if I'm honest, Jesus Christ and my Parents). 

The internet is full of weirdos and people who are just bizarre to talk to and uncomfortable. I can't tell everyone of my real troubles because I feel like it's talking to some mysterious Oracle and not a human being. But you have always been different. I think it's because we seem to have a lot in common between our love of Spider-Man and having some hardships along the way. And it's really nice that I know that somewhere in Oregon between Gravity Falls & the rain, there is this wise American Girl who can say those Buddha-wisdom words. 

Recently we've not chatted so much. Even when we're online at the same time, I'm so bad at not starting conversation. I go through bad-conversation periods where I'm not that good to talk to and need to find a hook in conversation. But I have ya' in my thoughts. Like recently; I bought a Spidey graphic novel - you popped to my mind! However I should try to just chat more - learn of the great things that seem to be happening in your life and even the not-so-great! 

You seemed to be having such a good time of life. And I'm so glad to hear as you've definitely earned such a good time. And I do wish I could just turn up on your doorstep and be that tall British kid you had to guide away from the bad Americans before I just annoyed them too much. It's on my bucket list to come and visit you just once in my life, at least. And I hope you don't mind that! 'Cause I would love to meet all my heroes but you seem like a realistic one to meet. 

'Thena, to quote Toy Story, "You've got a friend in me!" (And Spider-Man). And I hope your freakin' Birthday was GREAT. 

Love,
Uly.

Marvel's Civil War: It's time to talk.

I dunno how but I ended up in debate with Herbert about Superheroes and Captain America came up and I was like: AW HELL NAW CAPTAIN AMERICA IS AWESOME

Anyway it got me thinking about this Story Arc called Civil War. Okay so you're all lame I'm assuming and have no idea what that was about and so because I'm a kind blogger I'm going to write out a brief summary. So this supervillain (ah there we go have I had a sandwich and it's given me the jump-start) called Nitro goes to Connecticut while he's fighting these guys that no one since the 80s gave a crap about called the New Warriors and they're so lame now that they have to have a TV show to get any sort of publicity. But all of a sudden because no one actually gives a shit, most of them are killed when freaking Nitro just blows the shit out of EVERYONE. This huge event happens which just doesn't please anyone and it's SO similar to 9/11 and I'm just sat there riding like: WTF Marvel, WTF.

I think everyone was like that in-universe over this event because they just killed a boatload of people too (not literally but 606 people were killed - 6 of which superheroes).

But what makes this worse is the fact that a year ago or so, Spider-Man, this big black guy called Luke Cage, Wolverine, Daredevil and Nick Fury (who's white in the main universe - Ultimate/Movies he's Black). They all go on this HUGE covert operation mission thing and it pisses off the rest of the US and they're like: Guys, seriously. What the hell are doing. Which then leads to everyone flipping out EVEN MORE when there's this huge thing about the "Secret War" (name of the mission that those heroes were on) and this just pissed everyone off. Including the United States Congress, I have no idea why they were annoyed. I dunno why they were because frankly wouldn't you want them focusing on the economy but y'know WHATEVER.

So Congress made this act called the "Superhuman Registration Act." Requiring all superheroes to register their identity and work for the Federal Government. Some people are against it, 'cause it's like: "Oh PATRIOT ACT AND SPYING AND ALL THAT" and others are like: WELL FREEDOM MEANS COMPLYING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YEAH. And this creates a rift. ANyway, it's passed because of Stamford (finally remembered where in Connecticut) and because of the Secret War. Errybody get so mad because what makes this worse is that Iron Man supports it. Then he gets Peter Parker to take off his mask to EVERYONE to "show support". Then Captain America, surprisingly, is against it. So he forms one army, then Iron Man forms another. Then superheroes just BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH. SERIOUSLY - JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER.

And then Iron Man wins. But I think this arc is brilliant yet at the same time terrible. Because the idea, in and of itself, is excellent. But I'll explain along the way why the execution was just so bad. BUT I got thinking about the way I would do it. Via explaining what I'd change, I'll explain where it went wrong/inform you about comicbooks. I don't do that often enough:

1) Captain America, as much as I love the character, is conservative as hell. Now being Right Wing doesn't necessarily mean you'll cage up mutants, arrest your friends and clone Thor (all things Iron Man did) but it does mean you wouldn't just go right against your ideologies. I call ridiculous writing on the idea Cap was "defending freedom." I think he was because stuff like this is why I hate Government but Captain America would have stuck by the Government. Iron Man, on the other hand, would've tried to rebel. He's a privatised businessman! Sure, in the comics he was Defence Secretary for a while but it makes very little sense that we have him on that side. So, I would've had it written that Captain America was about the "preservation of freedom" while Iron Man would say "it's a volunteering service of defence, then can f*** off."

The arc itself would've ran better. It makes more sense that at the end, Cap could've become Director of SHIELD. I think part of the reason he got turned into the Anti-Registration Side (the name of 'his' Army) was because they wanted to kill him off. But think about it: Captain America goes out of his way to really push his argument that the Government of America knows best, soon as he's about to be made new Director of SHIELD *bam* he's killed by brainwashed Sharon Carter. This would be such a whole on the entire thing and really break everything down. Iron Man works as an ass but the whole "Greater Good" idea that he had was just very, very insane. It made him a villain in my eyes and that just didn't work whereas Steve Rogers would just be serving "The American Way".

2) Spider-Man: The role of Spider-Man was mishandled. Just before Civil War, he'd lost his family home so him, MJ and Aunt May all lived together in Avengers Tower (the Tower was the 'New Avengers' HQ. It was also Iron Man's tower). They had Tony Stark make him a new costume after he died and his got ruined. So, he wore the "Iron Spider" suit that happened to be bugged so that Tony could record his every move...Just in case he switched sides. Tony made him pledge to stand by his side no-matter-what. Then he asks him to unmask? But doesn't really help with the backlash that happens (Bugle suing Spidey, Debrah Whitman writing a smearing book, his teaching job at the time being ruined).

The ending for Spider-Man's story had him switch to Captain America's side so Tony Stark just stopped helping him. Eventually, Aunt May is shot by Kingpin, making Spidey go INSANE then he eventually does a deal with the Devil to get rid of his marriage in order to save his Aunt's life. Now, don't get me started on this. While Rants & Rambles is my place to rant I will just rededidcate this blog to smearing that arc. It was terrible. The idea Peter would do it, the idea MJ would agree, the idea that THIS was considered, THE IDEA THAT IRON MAN JUST WOULDN'T HELP AT ALL. It was ridiculous. And it angered me more then anything. His role shouldn't have been done like that.

My Spider-Man's role would have him aligned with Iron Man, no-matter-what as he promised prior but with the Avengers themselves on the run from the Avengers Tower. I'd have Peter conflicted because he has so much care for Captain America but then Peter wouldn't know what to do. There'd be no "poster boy for Registration" and Peter would have a simple role at first before wanting the safety of his family...Turning to the Registration side. This would change his alignment, piss of Tony SO much and then we'd possibly have him unmask on TV to show support, only for his family to be then injured, kidnapped by super-villains who now finally know his identity.

This would make far better story telling, as we'd really have a conflicted Peter Parker. The Government would throw Peter's identity out and have him really be the dividing argument between the two, which leads me to my next point...

3) Neutrality at it's finest: No opinions. Well, maybe opinions. But done properly. I would release exactly 8 issues of Civil War (as a main story). There'd be #1 focusing on both sides, #2 On Pro-Registration, 3# Anti-Registration, #4 Pro #5 Anti #6 Pro #7-8 Both. If I have to, I'd get different writers writing the parts to the story because it'd be such a waste having one side better then the other. Civil War ended with Iron Man just being a douche and Captain America being the one we have sympathy for. When actually, Cap got Punisher to kill people. He really got obsessive and was putting everything on the line. It was a real shame that they'd just made Iron Man the worse of two-bad dudes. You needed to be able to argue with a fan on a forum why you were Pro or Anti but in the end, the classical trope won and Captain America became the "Good Guy" while Iron Man was the "Bad Guy.

4) The Ending: I actually didn't mind the ending. Mostly because it made sense. For one thing, Iron Man realised he'd been a douche, let out a lot of the people he'd trapped and then set up the 50 State Initiative, meaning an Avengers for every state (or something similar anyway). There was then a superhero training academy (which makes you scream X-Men but hold on) for future Avengers Candidates. Iron Man was temporarily head of SHIELD with Maria Hill - a fellow SHIELD agent who served as an Anti-Superheroish character within the organisation in comparison to Nick Fury. But...None of this mattered. Because then what happened was the Skrull Invasion, where Skrulls hid as superheroes and then everyone had to become temporal allies only to have Norman Osborn "save the Day" and then become the new head of SHIELD because Tony Stark was incompetent.

My issue here is: that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense why you couldn't just make two pieces to the universe and have a force properly unite them. I like the idea of a Skrull invasion. But y'know what would've made it for me? That one of the forces in one of the Armies, Pro or Anti, had been a Skrull. Then someone in the other Army also had a Skrull. That would've just made everyone FREAK OUT and realise that maybe there were loads of Skrulls everywhere amongst them, thus beginning the invasion properly. We'd have a dead Steve Rogers just after his victory and then Skrulls just appear out of nowhere. And everyone has to get along to beat 'em.

If they wanted to cover up Peter Parker's identity? After the invasion, lie and say a Skrull was pretending to be Spider-Man. Simple. And this would've just united everything and if people REALLY wanted someone to take over SHIELD, maybe they could've had a Skrull-Norman Osborn alliance in the Government that sudden took over, Osborn becoming head of Super-Military-Defence or something. That would've tied up all rather neatly instead of the shitpile Marvel Comics made with such interesting concepts.

But if that doesn't float ya boat, there was Hulk coming back from an Alien Planet and trying to kill everyone. World War Hulk was excellent, imagine Hulk & some of his Alien friends (such as his advanced aged son) coming down and having to bring heroes together? That would've been an interesting read too. I feel like they should've joined together at the end, having a real evil to fight. Not just each other. And if there was more of a swing for Anti-Registration (such as I, even without arguments. I don't think we should all be on some list somewhere for the Government, that goes for real life too) the go for that. Everyone goes suck it and eventually, people have to accept that.

I want to say too, I'd have rewritten the X-Men tie-in. I'm not sure with what yet because X-Men, like Spidey or Batman, are practically their own universe because everything's so big/so developed. This was my interpretation of what should've happened: Cap on the side of Pro-Registration, Spider-Man switching from Anti to Pro and then ending with the Secret Invasion/Dark Reign all at once. Not to mention the sudden death of Steve Rogers thus SHIELD really not having the time for superheroes under Maria Hill's command (who hell, could even be working for Norman to get him into power. I don't particularly like the character that much).

Now, there ya' go. Some comicbookdom.

Lessons learnt upon the worst week of my life.

I'm really struggling with coming up with anything to say.

For the past week or so, I've had a terrible time of it. That's not been because I've done anything, actually. In fact I think I've remained quite still. But you know when you see those TV shows where they're throwing a play and it goes awfully so the set falls down but you get some lovely message at the end of it? (I'm sure some comedy show you like has done it). Well that sort of happened. I'm wondering what messages I've learnt but I guess I already know the answer to this. And already I want to apologise for the terrible standard of English in this post but when you don't know how to put something, your language gets sloppy.

But some how or another, I've had the worst week of my life. That's not because it's been worse then other days or months or years in my life but because SO many bad things happened that it just piled all over. And if I'm 100% honest, I've not had any time to process facts in a neat, emotional fashion. So there's been no anger or sorrow even when it feels like it's appropriate but I've found those feelings not joining me. Instead I think I've just ran around after friends doing damage control. Because if I'm honest once again, my friends haven't been in the greatest shape. The real close ones too.

It's actually angered me. For a moment, I felt like Joeb. (Jobe? Not sure. Look it up if interested). From the Bible. Why? Because I honestly was self-absorbed enough to think that this was God testing my barriers of faith after I set them up. Interestingly enough, a very human event happened which did make me question what I have settled on to believe but actually I realised I'm quite strongly with the concepts I carry now. (Which I've mentioned and said before; I don't really like talking about. Spirituality is yours to keep private if you see fit to).

I guess that's what we do when situations get to us: we try to make it about us. And in a lot of ways, it really doesn't have much to do with me. Because the events were out of my control completely and utterly. But they did influence me as I've seen people cry or crushed, people so strong stand so weak. People I love more than I ever have words for if I'm truth. I'd probably walk through hell and back if that would help them right now. I'd be willing to do that at any time. Why? Because  I like to think I'm a very loving person.

To put it briefly, as I don't want to "name and shame" anything or anyone I'll put this: someone died, a couple split, someone got made homeless and then two guys got drunk. And cried. A lot. And with relationships failing around me, I really want to have a hankie and a shoulder for everyone to cry on. But I am mourning, which I probably don't really show. But basically (this I will say) I have lost a cat.

A cat whom would sit up with me and lay upon my bed in her sleepy moments or actively be on my lap as I typed away. She was, and still, with me as I would come up with brand new ideas (and I wouldn't use my whiteboard for a while because I never wanted to disturb her). I use to feed her every day and I'd get up whenever she was sick of waiting for my bed. This dates back to when I sat & watched West Wing in a month as a way to cope with December - which wasn't a good month if you log my life. With that animal companionship gone, I've felt awfully alone at the desk. I think it's almost made blog writing/my own fiction writing hard? I want to get onto writing but right now, I still have a couple of points to cover as I've seemed to not covered anything I wanted to at all.

I've learnt this week that life is about change. And that change is not always a good thing. Anyone who tells you "change is good" is full of fucking bullshit. Sorry to swear like that but I'm not really in the mood to write with moderation. Yes, now I've got to grips with this post. At last. Yes; the world is full of change. But it shall change into it's two "universal moods". Which are: joy and pain. You can't have one without the other because you'll learn to appreciate joy too much and too much pain is just not right for a man.

Which actually brings me onto the next point: appreciate the good. That's a lesson I can't stress enough. Because the "good" can be swept from right under your feet and you can be left on the pavement wondering what the hell just happened. I think I've had a lot of that on my metaphorical pavement as I can't seem to grasp what the hell HAS happened. It all seemed like some big blur because bad did just land upon me. But I really have learnt to appreciate the good of my friends. Because so many have jumped to my support, offered me a hand of love and care. And it just makes me REALLY appreciate such good in the world itself. So this is my formal thanks. I'm sure I'll repeat it personally.

One thing my brother and I (who, equally have been having a bad time of it) noted was that "we're always okay." That's the thing. You're always okay. No matter what, if you just think that, it's enough to push you in the direction of okay. Even if just slightly. And that's awesome because it's not a lie or just a comforting piece of advice, it's true. With just a little bit of will power you CAN definitely be okay and you really don't need to sweat about it. Honestly, you really can be okay. And will be.

OKAY so my final two lessons are: don't be too prepared and prepare to laugh. The first point comes from the idea that, I was totally unprepared for what happened today. I do not have a machine that can predict everything that happens because not even heightened paranoia can. Things are bound to go wrong even if you feel like you've avoided them. Jacob pointed out to me this evening something rather profound George Carling said about praying. If God has a divine plan then, praying for something to happen will mean it'll happen anyway because it's part of "the plan." Then if it doesn't, well, that's because it's part of God's "divine plan". I think the same sort of thing can be applicable to life: while there might not be a set-plan, shit is going to happen.

So prepare but always expect bad stuff. Try to come up with a plan if makes you comfy but I guess just go with the float of life. It'll lead you to what you want, you just had to get up and grab it when the time's right. You'll know that as, people generally do. That's why they miss out in the first place. Now onto my second point: laugh. Because really, that's what I did when I wasn't what to do. Laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Laugh about you feeling sad. Just laugh until you can't laugh no more then "sober up", bite the pain and then laugh a wee bit more. It's really my best piece of advice.

I want to also mention juuust a few of things before I rap up.

1) An RP site where I got to see some of my friends who I've not RPed with in a while. Once again, you guys have kinda brightened my spirits just by being hilarious, or, just by being a bit nerdy with me. Can't express my thanks to you enough.

2) My friends who are close-by: you've been awesome yet again. "I'm sorry friends for the time I desert you most days it feels like I don't deserve and I wonder that you're all still around" to quote Frank Turner, I think that says it best.

3) No matter what you've done, it does not matter now. Look to the now and then slightly glimpse to a possible future. Because whatever's happened, even if you've hurt someone I love, I hope you've done it because it's the best thing for you and fundamentally, them. Those group of people -- you're not bad. And I'll struggle to talk to you but, you're not. And I want to thank you for the good you DID instil.

Right. The lessons are in there and I've gotten something out there. I'm still in shock and eventually, will truly weep and grieve. But for now? I will settle for this.

I love you all!X

Just a quick one about the height!

Haha. Just a quick one, I'm sure plenty of guys who'll read this have heard that before - right? *dum dum tiss*

So, I was listening to Jonathan Coulton's "Just as long as me" from his Album Thing a Week Three. He use to write a song a week and then makes compilation albums, they're very good. Anyway, found a song I can utterly relate to. Because it is rather long lyrically, I'm simply going to post up the chorus so for those of you know me can understand why I find it so relatable!:

I don't care what color hair is growing on her head
She doesn't have to be a sight to see
It don't matter if she's fat or if she's good in bed
Just as long as she is just as long as me
Just as long as she is just as long as me"

It's this lovely, traditional styled folksy song. With a violin solo and everything! Anyway, at 6 Feet and 7 Inches, I just think it's class and interestingly relatable. Though I know it's a very slim chance I'll met anyone "just as long as me" who isn't some sort of model and probably way out of my league, the notion of dating someone tall when you're my height is nice. I'm use to being around short people and while they're still attractive (if they weren't I'd probably not have much choice in life!) I know a lot of short people who like the idea of tall people as it means security and then guys want the power of being taller then girls. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just exposed to North Waelian teenagers' preferences but I think it's a general (I say general lightly - I'm not a fan of generalisations which may have noticed by now). 

If you're just as long as me, I find that attractive. And if you're shorter, well there's always more of me to love! (My next post is to come very soon but I've not had the time to finish it. As it's about comics, I have more to say...)

Where's Project Adventure? (And why I can never go on Omegle)

For this wondering where my seemingly short lived comicbook superhero Project went, everything's gotten moved to next year. This summer I'm going to write everything up and have it all neatly prepared. When I'm more organised with a bit more dough, I think I'll even get more of a professional look to it. For now I'm getting this summer to be able to write all of Draft IX/Project Adventure up and so that it's all nice. This also means that between getting-a-job and other projects this summer I can have time to spread everything out and also get to write leisurely.

With job getting, I had an interview today that didn't go too well and so I'm not sure where that's at. I was late for it because of train times and then bus times and being late to an interview is never good. I thought the trains would be running smoother; turns out they weren't. Thus, resulted in me being late. WHAT didn't help is that I went to bed at 5AM. Why? Because I was on Omegle. And this just didn't help anyone as I carried on meeting...weird...people who were very very strange and I have to say it's incredibly strange, scary place. But it's awfully addicted.

I've got quite an obsessed personality and the only danger at the moment with my obsessions is that they leave me quite broke but I gain a lot of joy. Omegle was an ugly, awful habit that I struggle to shake off when I click on it. My brain seems to deplete and so I don't get much done and it brings out an ugly side that I don't want to be me. And so I was on that until the early hours of the morning. Isn't something I advise and then I ended up not being very "with it" when I awoke. Thus, I think this set the tone of the day.

I have another blog post but tonight, I'm trying to dedicate myself to writing everything but wanted to get this one out there fairly soon. Next is going to be about why I hate Batman (again!)

What happened to June?

Well, for starters: yay, July-posting!

I've just had a hectic week and a half, topped with the best weekend of my life. I'm reminded how I've got these wonderful friends who with a bit of drink, food and a bit of sunny weather can just make everything seem so excellent. And that's been great. But arranging a party, despite it being the "annual routine", never ceases to be stressful. But it always works out and always proves to be worth it. Thanks for everyone who came and those who didn't, you were missed.

June vanished. Exams took it up and big life changes happened too. Bigger then I had time to take in account to. For the last six months, people have noticed my mood has been...mixed constantly. And there is a reason. One I can't disclose for reasons of discretion. But now that 'issue' is over. I'm no longer waiting around, to put it lightly. And life appears more free and now I'm trying to live peacefully. I'm exploring my spirituality, writing (which I'm about to get to) and also waiting on a reply to an interview. Uly might be employed, hooray!

Yes, I'm writing a lot. There's a Facebook, Twitter and Blogger. To give a brief explanation of Project Adventure -- it's a superhero multimedia project I'm doing for fun. To be more confident, I want to post stuff online. If I don't update for months, I don't. But I want to try and go about doing this. Keep following it as much more is to come. The other writing is Star FROST, a co-joint RPG with my good friend/GM Curtis. Which is next Saturday. Should be badass but very complicated.

So now June's over. My summer is about 8 weeks now. Which is still long. I feel rather relaxed about it and am hoping that this weekend has set the tone of my summer. I think there's a chance. Now, back to all the reading and 3DS playing (new gifts) that I've got. A blog post will be coming, hopefully later. Maybe. Maybe not. July is the month of "Maybe" as May has too much shit going on. July has barely anything going for it, God bless it. 

Uly talks about God even though he doesn't like talking about God.

Things I don't like having happen to me: someone inquired about my "relationship with God." Ugh, I hate this question. Because frankly? It's none of your damn business. I was engaged in theological debate and discussion with someone who came across as a Liberal Catholic (actually -- scratch that. She IS a liberal Catholic from the sounds of it). And they asked me what I believed and right now that's going through another transformation - which I have been meaning to get at but it I never seem to have the right words for it. That's because I don't actually understand it right now.

I was an Atheist. I didn't "see" any form of a God. Then I had a strange moment up on the White Rock (a local Mountain point) where I looked out to the Mountains and was convinced that such beauty had to be shaped by some sort of divine, quintessential artist on a grand cosmic scale. And it sounds stupidly simple, most of my beliefs have happened because of stupid moments like this. And by no choice of mine I've become an Agnostic "theist" meaning I believe in God most of the time but have extreme Atheist moments where I don't "see" anything.

I feel like I have to put " " around the see because of some dickhead once again: 'Ah, you only believe what you see!' And I was there like: No. I just...STOP BEING STUPID. Anyway, moving on. My theories have been somewhat discordant at times because I've not wanted a structure for my beliefs but would like to have a more "in-tune" awareness of God. And it's hard to do that when my faith has strange ideas (in my head, anyway). OK, so to me, God has a plan. But I don't think any of us are smart enough to fit what the hell that plan is.

But I want to move to Canada. And I said "God told me to" which sounds crazy but it's this "Plan" idea. The plan is, for me, to move Canada because something deep inside of me told me to do that. Recently, I decided a major life decision in the Shower. It's sort of all part of his divine plan for us as individuals. And that makes things weird and it's not comforting as I don't really trust an existential being with my life because generally they're only skill is making shit like Cobras. Seriously. WTAF God.

Anyway, but one thing I've been telling people is that I'm edging towards Quakerism. One of the things there that I'm agreeing with is that your relationship with God is personal. Because even if, like me, you believe that God is either just a manifestation of the human mind for unexplained sciences (or maybe God gave people free will to be an Atheist because frankly, "my God" is a bloody creator with such big plan, not just a high 'n' mighty king/his own father to a Cosmic Zombie).

*sigh* I don't like about this. My friends are Atheists and not being Atheist still does weird me out. And I'm figuring it out. Also theologians are a bunch of know-it-alls. Seriously. But yes, stop asking. When I have an answer I won't give it to you and finally, when I'm done, I'll just do what I want in silence and get on with life. Because it's not meant to be "why are we here" it's "what are we doing here? Let's get moving!".

Do you think this is angry? (A note to girls!)

OK. I'm in a haughty mood which gets to haughty thinking. (I use bloody haughty, deal with it in your time if you please). I want to get this out there, off my chest and straight across the world itself. "Internet famous", hell historically I want this small piece to be sent through all of the world itself.

I hate when girls (and I use girls as a straight white man who hasn't ever batted for the other side yet - in fact as a young man from Wales who knows very little about the world) ask: "Do you think I'm pretty?" And here's why.

It puts me in an impossible situation. If I hesitate then there's an immediate assumption I mean no. If I don't then girls spend time saying how they are not and I spend a conversation not at all convincing them. I know girls, society hasn't been fair. With models and media pushing a "perfect woman" icon it gets to be very hard to not have yourself thinking you're fat and ugly and need to be changed in every single way.

When I hesitate it's for a number of reasons: I'm not too sure what to say, I'm not nervous or just generally uncertain with how to react. But it doesn't mean you are ugly. We all have preferences because we do like a face. I'll admit -- bad us for having that sort of thing going on. But biologically, you could argue that it's to ensure we have an 'attractive' (i.e. our preference) mate. I swiftly move on from Biology as I did an exam in that already.

If I jump up and say "well gee golly I think you're a doll!" Then there's this whole you denying it, me trying to convince you and then getting nowhere with the conversation because you won't build your self esteem up from one guy. Hell, a hundred men couldn't make you do that. But here's the thing: go off whatever word I've just given you, don't question it too much and move on. I think you have a nice face and if you're asked for "you" (in this context, me) then nothing, in this context, else matters.

There's also the whole "oo he luuurves her!" because I said a girl is pretty. People, get over that. I got caught in a room with a girl alone recently after an exam and the immediate assumption of a Staff member was that we were "getting-it-on". Just because we're girl and boy. But that's a different rant for another day, I'm going back to whole this "Do you think I'm pretty?" Thing.

You're doing it to fish for compliments. Which is never cool. But you're also doing it to build up your confidence. That's cool, I can relate to that. But just analysing whatever my answer is won't get you anywhere and will make me hesitant to ever compliment you again because I'll just think it's some sort of right/wrong answer mind game that you're playing with me. I cannot be bothered doing it so just get on with whatever the hell you were doing before.

Some guys will like girls with thin waists and big titties and big bums. But other guys won't. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if he likes that then let him get on with it. Personally, if you're looking for some sort of "package" instead of a person then you're going wrong. I've had fairly similar interests in girls I've liked: they've been very nice, lovely to talk to and extremely pretty. I'm generally not fussed I've began to realise though do have some "bad inclinations" but I think that's part of teenager boyishness.

ANYWAY, stop moaning about it. You asked me a question, I answered honestly. If people can't spend al day boosting my self esteem then they can't do it to yours.

Just a quick note to the Universe.

Dear Universe,

Why can't I write?

Why can't I have ideas?

Why can't I just be trapped in my own world?

Why can't I have my answers which I crave?

Why can't I leave my mortal body for a day, to wander as a soul?

Why can't I enjoy this sunshine?

Why can't I understand these clouds of feelings?

Why can't I being something aside the great Storm?

Sincerely, Uly. 

(Not necessarily really-bad mood but just stuff playing on my mind in some sort of poetic sense).