A Stump.

Geddit?

OK. It's Friday night and it's been a week where I had my first exam. Which went alright overall - I'm not good at judging my performance. Once I sat an exam and thought I'd done really badly but got an A so who knows how it's turned out? Revision has been painfully slow and generally I'm now flat out exhausted. But I've got writing projects/ideas that I need to get down on paper. But I've got a stump. Writing this blog post now is even difficult. I stopped believing in Writer's Block a while back because it's just a state of mind. Either you write or procrastinate. And I'm trying to write my RPG stuff, RPG System, "Superdorkism", my real Superhero stuff AND an idea for a Sci-Fi short story AND alternate history but nothing is working. I've just tried doing a sentence or two on my System stuff -- it's hurting. 

Creatively I'm at an all time high to compensate with the stress. I'm quite calm and that's because my brain is over-using the left side because I've been taxing the right side of my brain a lot. I want plans to work and already feel filled up in my summer. So my brain oozes out everywhere and thoughts are incomplete/make little sense. Earlier this week I tried ranting about a Spot cream advert (and spot cream adverts in general) and how they make me feel uncomfortable by getting people with perfect skin to try these products. It's stupid and it annoys me. But the blog post itself made no sense and it really was BAD. I don't redraft, not often anyway. That's because I have a LOT of ideas and don't have the time. 

I've got a fast brain. I'd like to think that means I'm clever but it just might mean I'm secretly ADHD. Because of this - ideas float around and play out in my head. I have to get them down on paper before that happens. It's very difficult and part of the reason I'm put off the idea of writing professionally and why I like being a GM. I get to interact with my ideas with people who are new to them. It's a good way to get my idea out and not lose it forever. Because some of my notes are compiled by other people's recollections and my own. (Just trying to be more organised though - I end up making a lot of my plot-lines very convoluted and contradicting mid-Game!)

Right now, I can't get into gear about anything. In my third thing about me is I talk about how I can be very unmotivated. I've got these ideas and want to do all these things but some how or another I lack any energy to do them. So instead I'm sat at the end of a day going: "Well shit, another day wasted." And it's becoming an increasing problem as some of my projects have set-times and I want to get them out of the way. Things are looking rather bleak at the moment. Though I am wondering if that's because I lack routine and am not doing much to ensure I build one. Very easy to become sluggish.

I probably need a trip up the mountain. Or to hang out with friends. Or some bloody thing where I can just re-cooperate. A retreat possibly. I don't know - most are saying "we have exams!" But I really cannot give up halfway through a bunch of ideas just so I can study. I've had a nice balance of the two but these past couple of days, EVERYTHING has been a mess. Lots of arguing, lots of late nights and lots of bloody nothingness. Maybe I'm on a low. Gosh, aren't blog posts the place to try to sort out one's brain? 

Anyway. I have a bunch of stuff I want to post but don't have the determination to. I need to get some mojo back. If anyone can think of something to help me with that - please just contact me with a suggestion/some advice. It'd be really helpful.