N.E.R.D.S Easter Special - Part 2

Editor's Note: Facebook Notes was murdering this with it's shitty text body and so I figured I'll post it on my blog. Part 1 will come up with it at some point but this is something for the friends. Hope everybody enjoys the second half; I wasn't as impressed by it this time round but I'm sure it's formidable! (Also: apologies to Beth in our year for her depiction). 

N.E.R.D.S. Easter Annual#2 - When the sh*t begins to escalate!

Two figures stalked the night not very silently at all. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, one had begun to moan over her relatively skimpy costume. It was ignored – only taken in as part of her “superpower” and thus the whining went unheard by her companion. Or, boss, as he would put it. Together they were trying to fight crime or maybe just have a bit of laugh: no one was quite sure. Suddenly they arrived at their familiar base: the Underground Porno Casino in Creuddopolis. A sigh came from the female as she looked at the bright lit sign. She couldn't believe that this was what she would forever be associated with.

“Jester, do we really have to be part of this Underground Porn Casino?” MindNumbing Miriam finally plucked up the courage to ask him.

“Be careful, MindNumbing Miriam, your powers of MindNumbingness nearly melted my brain!” The Jester turned dramatically and shouted. She rolled her eyes as he was nearly on the floor, suffering immense pain.

“All I did was ask a question!” She protested. “I wish I was cooler, like Super-Giant or Pun Man or--”

“AAAARGH!” The Jester shouted, the MindNumbingness became too overbearing!” And then, Miriam shut her mouth for the time being. Heading inside, a Porno casino is something like a Las Vegas set up mixed with a lot of CENSORED imagery by the Comics code. It had several near naked ladies (doesn't every comic? HIYOOO!) and eventually there was a back room for the two to enter. Inside, a huge D insignia was on the wall with an office for the Jester to sit in, not to mention a hugeass movie screen for his viewing pleasure.

As the two walked in they noticed there was a beeping on the special phone that was only called by Super-Giant. That was because the Jester only had three contacts who had the number, it was actually just his public phone but to be honest, he doesn't like people that much. Suddenly, the two stared each other with a quizzing look before dashing to the phone and picking it up, suddenly a split-screen opened up with the familiar voice of a superhero speaking down through it. The Jester took the phone of MindNumbing Miriam by pushing her over violently, snatching it to begin the conversation.

“Super-Giant?! How are you alive?! You supposedly were blown up in the last part--” The Jester protested. He hated when a fucking story made no sense.

“Jester, no time for rationality and logic! What do you think this is, a well developed story? Anyway, we have a problem – and I need every N.E.R.D. There is around!” Super-Giant also had a gigantic voice box so MindNumbing Miriam heard every word of this too. (Yeah, we'll go wit that).

“What the hell is going man?!”

“It's the Easter Bunny, Jester, he's got a devilish plot to kill everyone by making the most delicious easter egg, giving us a taste of it so that'll all fight each other and kill for it!”

“Holy shit! That's almost as bad as MindNumbing Miriam's obsession with the D!” The Jester cried.

“Oh my God, I don't have an obsession with your D! I don't want you D!” She insisted but both Super-Giant and the Jester rolled their eyes. They knew the truth.

“Don't worry Super-Giant, I'll help. I hate the idea that anyone thinks they can make people more selfish then ME!” The Jester yelled and then hung up the phone. He ran outside, lighting a cigar on his way and quickly grabbed some keys.

“Quickly, to the D Mobile, MindNumbing Miriam!”

“I refuse to ride in a car called the 'D Mobile' Jester.” She said flatly.

“It's not called the D mobile, what are you on about? Honestly, this isn't the time for your obvious obsession with the D!” He jumped in and started to rev the engine of his car. His sidekick let out an exasperating sigh before joining him.

Meanwhile...

The trio who had gathered in the first part of our epic saga had suddenly found themselves in quite the predicament which the previous scene has already proved they got out of it alive. And you all thought, by now, there would be no logical explanation! WELL, YOU THOUGHT....probably correct! The three saw the explosion go off and suddenly, Super-Giant did what any gigantic superhero would do in that situation; he tried eating the explosion and then hoped it would just destroy his GIANT kidney stone inside of him!

“Super-Giant, you can't expand your jaw that wide! It'll dislocate!” 00J protested, always spoiling Super-Giant irrational/illogical fun.

“You're forgetting, 00J! This is a fictional story—I mean, I have a super-enhanced jaw that'll let it expand to 5x the normal capacity, yeah, we'll go with that! Cranium Steele, intense guitar playing!” Super-Giant bellowed and Cranium Steele fingers suddenly looked like they were about to catch fire as he played at a super fast rate with Super-Giant's jaw expanding as he ate the crispy, orange explosion. There was a look of amazement, disgust and a great amount of suspense as Super-Giant ate the whole explosion.

All were blasted back and everywhere was in ruin. The whole town of Llandudno now looked more like Rhyl. Cranium Steele took the blast quite well, it just felt like the beating of a drum. He got up first to see if Super-Giant was okay. Seeing that something was about to be released from his mouth, Cranium stepped back as her allowed for his comrade to spew out any 'left overs'. A burp was ferociously released.

“Are you okay?!” Jordan said as he helped up the leader of N.E.R.D.S up onto his feet.

“Yeah...” He began, “but I feel like I've just ate 300 Wotsits that were a bit chilli flavoured!” Super-Giant looked around for 00J, who gradually got up onto her feet.

“Any clue as to where the Easter Bunny might be then?” 00J asked the two of them. They turned to one another before a look of epiphany came across Super-Giant's rather stretched face. After doing his “eating explosion” trick it seemed to mess him up for a while.

“I think I know but we need back-up if we attempt to attack.” He told them.

“Where?!” Cranium Steele asked, as if representing the readers in suspense. Super-Giant turned to him with a half-smile on his face. This was not going to be good. (Well, not good as in – bloody difficult. And the writing isn't that good but it's just that in this context the story was about to take a leap into rather dangerous area).

“The only place I could've ever expected the Easter Bunny to be – WILLY WONKA'S CHOCOLATE FACTORY! I should've known assumed this from the beginning. And before you two object as this seems to have no coherent thought whatsoever story-wise, I'll explain on the way but it'll cut to a different scene to build up suspense!”

Back to our other “heroes” - The Jester and MindNumbing Miriam!

This music played in the background as the D Mobile bounced up and down with the Jester riding smoothly in his car. MindNumbing Miriam tried to duck and cover so that no one would glimpse her as she sat next to her supposed-Superhero mentor. He had to admit, this was amazingly fly. But she couldn't shake off the idea that this was just the most humiliating ride she'd ever had in a car. At least the Lantha played music that wasn't so NSFW (anyone who figures out that abbreviation gets a free issue from the Editor!)

Driving wildly on the road, The Jester was not safe behind the wheel. He drove at 260MPH, had a tendency of making sure he was the most insane on the road and not to mention the fact that he had a cup holder designed perfectly for Bourbon (because he is the exact sort of person to be into that drink). MindNumbing Miriam had to find her calm place, usually resulting in a frantic call to B.E.T.H. - a robot she built so she could have someone in her life who wasn't constantly mean to her and wouldn't always accuse her of wanting the D.

“HELP ME, I THINK JESTER'S GOING TO KILL ME!!” She screamed in the back of the car as she was getting thrown from side to side due to the lack of seatbelts.

::“I'm sure that's not true—hey, that's a cute little bunny..”:: B.E.T.H replied, quickly the phone was cut off. Miriam's eyes widened in the next panel with a mahoosive:

“OH NO!” being screamed. The Jester, who was fairly busy as Police Officers were once again chasing them, had suddenly had a twang of great MindNumbingness which stopped him immediately. The car skidded on its side and the Jester was about to shout before he heard the cries of B.E.T.H and gnawing of Bunnies (don't ask how the Jester can recognise that sound immediately). The Car had caught fire in places where it was not meant to be on fire and it seemed that they weren't going to get far. But page-space was running out in this N.E.R.D.S issue and the word suspense had been thrown around too much thus, they were miraculously saved by the Jester great 'ejection seat' (which he also called “the Bad Date Ender”).

Thrown outside with no parachutes, they landed outside of a restaurant. Inside, they could see B.E.T.H who had gone there for some lunch, as MindNumbing Miriam explained off-panel to the Jester. Though he didn't like to do any heroic acts, he did happen to hate Bunnies. And also – B.E.T.H was the person who could get him a break from the most annoying sidekick of all time aside Jar Jar Binks so he had to save her for his own sanity! With the D Mobile lying on the motorway in scraps it was time to jump into action. Smashing down the front door (though it was open) this comedic duo leapt into action and began to attack one of the several hundred bunnies that had accumulated.

The Jester threw a table on several of the bunnies,crushing them while MindNumbing Miriam quickly tried using her custom-made “utility belt” and using some of the weapons but already, they began to overwhelm. Instead, she began to talk about something and quickly, the MindNumbingness had sunk in and each Bunny was being destroyed by it. She realised that actually; maybe her superpower IS pretty cool after all! Punches of POW and OOO-THAT-GOTTA-HURT were thrown by the two before suddenly a third figure of heroism was revealed amongst the citizens sitting down and scared for their lives. The Jester's face lit up as he saw him rise above the crowd.

“STD MAN!” Jester cried, seeing his good ally suddenly poison the bunnies. For one thing that bunnies can't live without, like 20 year old men, is their libido. Each bunny had began to suddenly drop down dead and B.E.T.H (who had been surrounded by rather taller, sturdier bunnies) was saved by STD Man.

“That's right, Jester, I'm here. Now, ma'am!” He said saving the robot-female.

She had started to smile/acknowledge his existence and was about to lean in and hug him before suddenly touching him and she then lost any of that driving adrenaline after being saved. She walked over to the Jester and her friend, MindNumbing Miriam.

“Thank heavens you're okay!” Miriam said, quickly hugging her. “What happened?!”

“We were all here and suddenly; there was this Easter Bunny. He began to tick and all of a sudden - hundreds appeared. When there was ping sound, all of them released something called a "sample chocolate" and we all began to suddenly feel paranoid! Then it said: 'sample failed' and we were attacked!" B.E.T.H explained.

"I'd only just broken free," STD Man said. "Then I see you guys. This is bad, guys. Real bad." He explained and they both nodded. This was obviously the manic planning of the Easter Bunny.

A small bunny had begun to appear. Before they attacked it, a small piece of chocolate was released. They were tempted to take it but opted not to and broke a piece off of it, storing it somewhere safe. As they were about to walk away epically, a mouse suddenly tasted it, looked around and then began to attack at their feet.

"My God, it must be so addictive that it's worth killing for!" Miriam exclaimed, though most found it MindNumbing and B.E.T.H had to repeat it.

"But that'll take ages!" Jester cried. "Unless....Unless he went to some sort of chocolate factory!" Clicking his fingers, Jester got ready to steal a car. Quickly, there was a huge 6 seater that the Jester took and had started the engine and headed out on the road. "Super-Giant...If you can hear this: we're on the same plot point! We're coming soon!!" And they rode badassley into the distance towards Willy Wonka's factory.

Deep in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory...

"Curses!" Said a high-pitch voice in the darkness staring at some monitors with CCTV looking at the events that have just unfolded. "The Author was a fool to think he could do all this 2 parts. There's PowerPaige, Wey-Man, Captain MindMash and Pun Man - who we don't know there whereabouts and also a huge fight scene with me!" A cackling insisted.

"You...You won't get away with this..." Said the frail voice of Pun Man. His comrades - PowerPaige, Wey-Man and Captain MindMash - were all out cold. He fell into unconsciousness.

"See, any good story goes in three parts - like Easter! Except there won't be any return from this death, MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Screamed the Bunny. 

END OF PART 2 - PART 3 COMING VERY VERY SOON! WILL PUN MAN AND THE REST SURVIVE? AND: THE EPIC FINALE OF THIS EASTER-TASTIC BRAWL!