Thing about me is#3!

To begin, I quote a lyric from a song called "Tina's Glorious Comeback" by an artist Dan Mangan (who I definitely recommend checking out!):

"I'm ambitious when giving up

Never thinking clear enough"

This is sort of what this blog post is about. I am not a very ambitious person. That isn't to say I'm lazy. Well, yes, I'm lazy. I should go get a job and do more 'round the house and be cooking for myself instead of just waiting on dear ol' Mumsy to help out. But that's not, I don't think, in connection to my lack of ambition. My laziness will be covered another time--Too lazy to do it now! *Dum Dum Tiss* 

Anyway, enough of my bad-blog-humour. I should get onto this now. 

I'm unambitious. That's not because of lack of trying. I've tried to be ambitious in the past but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. Maybe that's something to do with what I believe. Or, I should say, 'life-views' that I've begun to believe. Or maybe that I am incredibly young and it makes me incredibly distracted. I would say 80% of my life is being distracted form what I'm meant to be doing. 

There was a time where I felt it was my 'destiny' to have my name written into the stars and live forever with my writing. And for a while, that was comforting. It meant that I could go: "oh, great hardship that's come my way? It's just to make my life story more filmable, haha!" Sort of thing. Yet over time, I found over time that made me go: Argh, why cannot I live within in mediocrity! Why can't I just be someone who can live a plain life and not have this hardship on my shoulders! 

Adding onto that, I felt everything I did - such as get 'average grades' was not living up to the person I had already built. So it basically ended up with me going into an endless cycle of just thinking I could be more but never reaching my potential but trying to then questioning if maybe I had reached my potential and everything was a lie. This, emotionally, became rather tedious for my friends and I can't say I was that big of a fan of it either. I write. And then compare. Then I go "I'M MEANT FOR MORE" then I wasn't doing 'more'. And thus, it added to a build-up of a lot of things at one stage.

There are other interests I hold that I was rather ambitious at going into. Politics, for instance. I'd built up a West Wing styled career for myself, I as the moral puritan of Politics with a golden touch. But would be sent back down to reality when I'd meet an apathetic voter or cynic, who would say "ooh, politics? Well, you 'ave to know the right people!" And it seem just delusion. My ambition to become a great Communications Strategist in the field was deflated.

It seemed everything I was destined to be so great at, the things I once had great ambition for, were near-impossible to break into and just seemed like luck. And it's the same now with the careers that I'm interested in. But something almost magical happened over the course of roughly four months where I realised I didn't need to know where my end point was and it'll eventually turn out all okay: 

I stopped giving a fuck. 

Yes, it's cruel. It sounds like I don't care about my education. But, it doesn't mean I show apathy towards everything in life. It just means though I'm trying to do my best I have no end-point. It just seems like one exam hall to the other. And I realised: that is okay. Why? Because it's not necessarily about having that end-point or having that ambitious streak within you. Sometimes it's about just getting through and making sure you live with little regret and also to be happy and to have fun. 

For me, that's what life gets to be about. I get up with a mentality of being happy because frankly, I'm part of an almost meaningless life in the great, grand cosmological scheme of things. Life has little meaning and the only time is has meaning to it is when one applies their own meaning to it. That's a grand old philosophy that I've truly began to believe in. But if life can be defined, I think it's about, you know living. In an age where "Uni's impossible to get into" and "there are no jobs out there" it really got me thinking: why I am trying to seek everything and try to make something when you don't know what'll happen. At all. 

So here's what I do instead: Hey look here, these exams currently have meaning in my life. Let's just do them and hope they go well then I can spend my summer lounging about/hanging with friends/creating fun, meaningful memories for everyone. My ambitions and hopes and dreams is that whatever the hell I am doing at this current point in time will or is making me happy. Currently that seems to be the case. Which is, y'know, good.

Don't get me wrong: those ambitious types aren't bad people or unhappy even. I'm just not one of them currently. So, readers, the thing about me is...I'm ambitious when giving up. But I like to think I am always thinking clear enough. Or, to put it simpler: I lack ambition for my future and the only ambition I hold is that I carry on the road of happiness. 

Explanation as to why there is a gap of posting in recent times.

So, I have two major-plans for this blog currently. Or what I should say is two posts currently drafts that are plans. The first is Review for a friend which is about me reading comics mostly that either friends have suggested I or I think they should read. The other is a Thing about me is post. Aside from that - I've also got some ideas about going to do a Film review with a friend of mine though our schedules are tight and I am a terrible text buddy to which I apologise for!

I'm wanting to get more political/topical, perhaps commenting more on current popular issues in the news/socially. There's a part of me wanting to be a journalist (something I will touch on next Thing about me is) and I think being able to use here, my mighty rant space, would be a good place to start. Or, you know, a perfect way to destroy any chance of a journalistic career. Who knows? Anyway, I seem to be giving you lovely readers a briefing as to what I've got planned instead of why the plans have not been initiated. 

There are two reasons that this hasn't happened. The first being the most important, my mountain-pile of school and I'm definitely wanting to focus on that. Exams and all that, not nice. You're lucky if you're out of the school system and I envy you as it seems that I have it for the next two years, oh the joys! Though I'll get there and there's probably a lot more I can say about school work and I'm sure to talk about it more soon to explain what's what with that and what not.

You're probably wondering "why the mountain?" it's a representation of my school work. The snow being all the stuff I don't understand *nods* 

The second reason is that I've really got hold of my creative juices. That isn't to say that the second I have a lot of strong build up of muse that I'll drop this blog but it means that when I have free time I'm wanting to go and do that which means I'm not getting to the blog. What I'm hoping to do in future is to have an update of where I am on my ideas so that people can, perhaps, follow my writings to a sense. Maybe I'll change my mind, who knows? But I think it'd be nice to just do a quick list of what that is (as schoolwork is boring to list out).

-Draft IX Of my Original Superhero Universe: consisting of synopses of superheroes, villains and teams. Friends are co-writing, it's now based off my superhero game "Adventurers." 

-My Book, which needs love and hasn't moved from 14K in far too long: I'm going at this again. Definitely have a different idea. Need to just great cracking on it though. 

-My outlook upon the DC Universe: Long-term fun. Been writing how I would revitalise DC Comics characters. I've done one - Superman - which I might post up here soon. Batman is currently the second. 

-A Film project: My badass friend is doing a film and asked me to help him construct a horror film we're doing in the summer. I'm finding it tough but finally have a lead as to what I think will be the plot/structure of it. 

Due to exams, most of these are on hold. I will be hopefully denting some of them in breaks between Easter but then after that, everything gets shoved aside. I am going to try and update the blog though a few times as I enjoy being able to write things in a somewhat polite manner that will hopefully give you a chuckle along the way, dear reader.

In the words of an old friend, "BCNU" for now, kiddies!

EDIT: ALSO HAPPY B-DAY ADAM! 8D

The thing about me is#2

Welcome to another exciting instalment of...

The thing about me is! Issue#2

Yes, it's a brand new month and we're all welcoming in Spring (or in Wales - a less cold version of Winter) to open mine up I'm delivering an interesting fact about me in some long winded tale of a blog post. This one is concerning a physicality of mine--we I'm sure I could refer to it like that---that if you saw me from a distance you'd notice immediately: I'm a rather large bloke. And when I mean rather large bloke: I'm 6 feet and 7 inches of height at the age of 16. To the rural Welsh mountains this is incredibly odd and never do people fail to point it out at some time during my day.

It's one of those things though that because it's thrust upon me by nature/God/the man behind the curtain etc,. that I try my very best to never define me. If you know me, you'll know my height is just some added feature of my...eccentricity. Yes, we'll use that for now. Generally I'm not even aware that I'm as tall as I am unless I happen to be having a tall day which can consist of me seeing that the sink is low down or someone is rather smaller then I am or my line of vision is actually a lot higher then everyone's. But generally, I just do not notice that I'm a Giant amongst Welsh Gnomes/People*.

How do you forget your tallness? Surely it is something that can't be forgotten ever with all the banging of the head? 

You'd think, would you? But no. I've been on the 98th percent aisle (man it took me four times to type 98. It's really hard without looking at the keyboard!) since birth - as my brother puts it I was a "hairy baguette" and so I'm use to being tall. There are exactly four people I can remember properly who I have recollection of being taller then me: my godparents** friend who was part of their choir, a guy who was 6''08 when I was 13 and in school with me - Bobbert, "Crouch" a guy from my brother's year but I seem to have surpassed him by now and a bloke in an orchestra I use to attend when I screeched along on a violin/viola who was taller then me for a long time. 

There were "those guys" who were older then me but I seem to just have a good perception of beginning highschool feeling rather small compared to them so I'm not sure if we were the same height. But those four are basically the only reoccurring people in my life who I've felt shorter than. Because of this, it just becomes a passing thought mostly in my mind. I've been tall all my life so being tall so I guess it's just what I'm use to. Which I do recommend for anyone who has something perhaps 'noticeable' to remember whilst you're livin' and some jackass points it out: it is something you've had your life, just roll with it. 

But, saying that, I do get annoyed by every damn time someone goes "wow, you're tall! Gosh how tall are you?" and all that. Or, (something I really hate) "what do they feed you?!" What the hell do you think? Food obviously. I mean, that's a bit sarcastic as an answer but damn it -- I'm tall so obviously I just have a lot of food and it's known there isn't any food that makes you tall, god damn it! OR OR, something that really annoys me: 

"Why are you so tall?" 

My Uncles, Great-Grandfather were all over 6ft on my Mother's side, I think my Grandmother was fairly tall. Her husband, my Grandfather, had a rather tall male line if I remember correctly. My Dad is 5''10, the shortest of his family and his siblings are at least 6ft. Thus, genetics. So bloody assume it's in my blood somewhere! Or, hey, think about this: we don't know why people are tall or small unless it's something like Dwarfism or Giantism. So like you, just go off the fact that you have small/tall family members that shape together to make you, dumbass! 

I don't know otherwise, I just have to go off that. But what do know is that I am not defined by my height at all. My ex-girlfriend, who you'll notice a lot of mentions in this because people like that do have a lot of mention in thine life, was 5''02. During the course of our relationship it was rare for me to ever notice our height difference properly unless I was having a tease at her height. The reason I did a lot of this is because I must live with the annoyance of back ache, knee pains, sometimes banging my head on door frames and not to mention a ridiculous amount of annoying questions. 

I wanted to sometimes not only take pride in my height but be able to show off about it. Which is strange; I don't really think about it often but it's more a "well fuck you then" to those people who have. I'm sort of anti-being-tall sometimes but try to seldom the good bits when I can. (But, I do issue a public apology to my Ex for mocking her height as pointing it out if you're tall or small can make you quite self-concious). But, here's an interesting observation I've made over time: 

You'd never point out a Dwarf's height, it's considered rude. 

Why do the same to me? It comes from Ancient Greece's ideas of tall Gods being beautiful, Aphrodite the classic example. Tallness supposedly symbolises Alpha Male strength and that you are a powerful figure. In the opening evening to my hopefully new school (as I'm moving for Sixth form, talk for another blog post!), I spoke to the Drama Teacher who said "you're outrageously tall, you will have such great presence, I can see it!" I guess that is true but, I don't think our bodies, made so by such biological structures we've been 'blessed with' should define our character. 

We're much more then what our body ever gives us credit for, or maybe sometimes perceived as more because of our bodies. Maybe it's just my opinion of someone who has lost patience for not being defined as something aside from being until people get to know me (which take five minutes). I feel sorry for those who cannot speak up as much as I can because, frankly, they'll always just been known as "the tall one." And that's a real shame as a gem of personality can be missed out, I'm just lucky that I have too much personality for it to be missed when you meet me. 

So, the thing about me is...I'm bloody tall. But it's not that special, really. 

*no offence to Gnomes intended but I can't say the same for the Welsh. However,  just a gentle reminder: I get to be racist non-Welsh readers, I'm from Wales, I will make sure you're smashed in Cymro style if you are. Funny thing about that, we are more patriotic outside of our country. "Can't take the Wales out of the boy" syndrome, I guess.

**Or Soh-Chims, as they would insist. I have around three sets of these now, don't ask. But you can obviously tell my Parents are my Parents because they're weird enough to name something like the guardians-just-in-case-anything-bad-happens-to-them after the Klingon one.