Happy Birthday Mum.

I seem to posting a lot right now because, I've had a lot to say over the past two days. I think that'll it settle down right after this post.

What is this one then? It's a small tribute to a very important woman in my life: my Mother. Today, it's her Birthday and I think it's bloody important that you all know how amazing this woman is. So, I write this almost as a thank you letter for her, an extra gift for her (her teenage son showing appreciation for his Mother...in public!) and something for you all to think 'well gee, do I call my Mum enough':

Dear Mum,

Thank you for always being there. In the bad and good. Thank you for always turning around and offering me some wise advice or opinion or sometimes, for telling me that I am wonderful. It's now my turn to say: that's you. You're one of the greats and you will be remembered by so many as loving, peaceful, forgiving and embracing. Since the Day of me being able to talk, you have behaved firmly, and for that grounding I thank you. But you have never failed in telling me every day that you love me and that I have never failed you nor ever do. You have been there for me in my moments where all hope has been lost, where I have truly stared at Death straight in the eye and you squeezed my hand trying to keep me back for as long as you can. I shall always do the same for you.

There are few people I have ever met who are as accepting and are as tolerant of my quirks as you. Never have you failed from just loving me for me and that you never holding judgement over what decisions I make and will make. Even when I have not listened and have been hurt, you have been there extending an arm branch only to love, never to brag of my wrong and your right. For that, once again, I thank you. I cannot thank you enough and sometimes, forget to thank you. And I know your simple answer shall be "it's all a part of the job description" I really do not think that people such as myself are covered for a lot of the lessons of "Mum School."

Now, you have a new partner, a new hobby and a new lease on life. For that, I am grateful and glad. For you are more deserving of finding such a new lease on life then anyone, as the world owes you a lot. You had slaved away with jobs and family and helping everyone and now, the world is slowly beginning to repay you. Though it still offers hardships for me, for my Brother and for yourself, this time 'round you have us to lean on. We are older and have learnt from your teachings and hope to help those we love like you have done and continue to do. This life, the one of you baking/decorating cakes with such joy (and great skill!) is the one that you deserve.

The one with a job where you are appreciated, the active social life of friends you love you. And let you not forget that: if you are to fall down, there are millions who would help you get back up just as you have done by yourself with them. I'm first in line of this army, along with my Brother. We love you Mum, so much. And I thank you for being the one of the most forgiving, tolerant and loving people I have ever known and probably will ever know. I would not be half the man I am now without you.

Love,
Uly.

The "Other Post" for Valentine's.

A minute before the UK ends Valentine's, I send this. But my US friend can appreciate it for a few more hours.

I am beautiful, for I am strong.
I am wise, for I have sinned.
I am sacred, for too young for death,
And I am unique, which makes me better then the rest
At being me.

We are all loved, let us never forget.

Why, as a Romantic myself, I hate Valetine's Day.

It's taken me three attempts at this blog post to convey the message I want to convey in this blog post. And you're probably wondering, o intrepid reader, what that message is. To begin simply for once, I say this: for me, having the 14th of February as a day for couples to follow along to the general companies idea of a 'romantic holiday' completely devalues the romantic. And 'why' is most probably your next question and the answer shall be the rest of this entire blog post.

There's something about idea that we're celebrating a 3rd Century Saint who happened to be rather fond of a lot of several boys and would get herself into a lot of 'sexual situations' is not appealing. She tried preaching the word of God, failed and went on to fraternise with several men. Eventually, she was burnt by the people for saying she had heard the word of God or something. EVEN WORSE THEN THIS: it's actually more of a Pagan celebration that Christians when invading all the Pagan tribes basically cut and stole from them and inserted it into their European celebrations of God and what not.

Before this develops into a heated topic of the history of modern Religions and my rather...strong...views on Organised Religion are brought up, I'm coming home with the point: This celebration is kooky! Seriously, we're celebrating the burning of a woman. I don't even understand this, it's like my beef with Guy Fawkes (who if you ask me is the last real Protester in Politics, but anyway...), are celebrating the burning of someone. Her vicious killing and the talk of her rather extraordinary, contradictory life.

I'm going off two versions of her life I've read in books that I got from the Library as reference for this blog post. She has more flattering versions out there but these two are actually quite similar to the truth it seems, a cover up by most Cultures who do celebrate St. Valentine's Day in some way. Nowadays, it is one of Hallmark's greatest sale days along with Mother's Day, Father's Day and various other made-up Card Company holidays that we have accepted into forever market consuming society. I digress too easily! This is all a fascinating stab at a lot of religious celebrations in our culture but it seems to not answer 'why' I am so Anti-Valentine's.

I am Single, it seems to be a topic that does crop up a few times in my blog already. So maybe I am just one of those recently-heart-broken-singletons-who-is-bitter/believes-he'll-never-find-love-again. I would like to say: that is not the case. I'm not really on the look-out right now and that's probably something to be covered at another time. I've hated it and if I was still in a relationship, I would've told my partner not to celebrate. (Though, she's anti-Valentine's too and it'd probably wouldn't even be considered celebrating).

I say in the title I'm a Romantic. I like to think of love & relationships in perhaps a golden haze of happiness and emotion and what not. Perhaps the influence of a Mother who enjoyed those sorts of films, or that I have my hand at Poetry a lot of the time, that have made me like this. I almost think of love like some sort of spontaneous explosion of awesome that takes you on one hell of a journey with your respective partner. That the partnership offered, on a romantic-level and various others, is one of beauty. And perhaps due to a slightly nerving inferiority complex, have great gratitude you have someone at your side so accepting, so embracing of you.

Once, I bought flowers for my Ex-Girlfriend. They were these nice green things and the reason why I generally never did it again is because her cat ate them and so she didn't get to appreciate them for that long. I use to write her stanzas of poetry and have sometimes, long summer walks. I use to believe we should do such romantic activities and grab pictures with her and what not. Of well, generally being quite romantic, of attempting to figuratively whisk her off her feet. I'd like to think sometimes it did work from time time to time. I did these things out of choice and I think she did appreciate them at times.

Valentine's Day sort of devalues a lot of my actions. It says that a Guy, or Girl, can do one day of romance when everyone else is and do things that I did quite voluntarily and happily. Yet the 14th of February, everyone joins in on the romantic band-wagon and treats their partner this way and lies about who they are by acting all romantic. Now maybe other Romantics do celebrate Valentine's Day, I'm guaranteed there are but, everyone else joins in at this time. Maybe I'm just being Hipster but we were doing it before it was teh general time of everyone else doing it.

Here's a new idea; how about you treat your partner to a romantic evening, buy him/her flowers when the prices aren't jacked up and just be all nice-y for a random day. Why? To make shit stand out and to show you care, you're not just doing because some bloody day dictates that you must suddenly reveal yourself as a romantic and that for 364 Days a year it's cool for you not to be because, "you make the effort on Valentine's Day". No, you do it because you want to and that it isn't just some obligatory thing by society. And if you are truly, truly not a romantic? Then say that from Day One and roll with it.

Why? Because if anyone has any chance of falling in love with you then you've got to lay down the cards on the table as to what sort of person you are. And generally, you'll have other admirable qualities as most people fucking do. Like, I'm a Romantic but also a big pain in the arse (as explained in my recent post 'The Thing About Me is#1). So, said-partner, you may not be romantic but you might no be a pain in the arse like me. And thus, you shouldn't be forced to celebrate some tradition set up because apparently, "ultimate Boyfriend/Girlfriend is someone romantic."

NEWSFLASH: THAT IS TOTAL BOLLOCKS.

SOME people want romance. And just because the Movies and media tell the young folk that's what all relationships are about on that level, they're not. And Valentine's Day is a complete symbol of that: of breaking down romance into a chore that must be done to answer Society's needs of having some day of "luuurv". And the thing is, if you're going to be romantic, don't just join in when thousands of others are: do it when you it's just completely random but refreshing for your partner! And if you don't have a romantic bone in your body and are single today, it's not because you're not-a-romantic (probably) and if in a relationship but a non-romantic, don't be romantic. Be yourself. Because in its own way, that's just as romantic.

To wrap up simply: Why do I have Valentine's Day? Because it makes romance seems like something you can condense/wrap up easily in one day and that people are expected to just do the same thing. And that isn't romantic at all. (Plus, pretty sure we shouldn't celebrate Arson and a Girl-Who-Can't-Keep-Her-legs-Shut). And, stayed tuned o dear readers, I have another blog post for today too! HOW LUCKY ARE YOU GUYS?! 8D

Why I need to write by now.

I've decided. I've outgrown the need for any real relationship or anything and shall simply hire a "special masseuse" (yes, exactly what you're thinking) and shall live in a summer home where my friends are free to visit in the afternoon. It shall be in the country somewhere, probably worn down but it's not really going to be much and it's just going to be somewhere I can live and write. I shall then write stories and poetry of any life I was previously dreaming of having. And it'll be awesome. And I'll have cats. YES, PLENTY OF CATS. ACTUALLY NOT LET'S HAVE FISHES. IN PONDS. YES. 

My life will consist of casual sex, writing, drinking, smoking and be a great piece of advice giving for my friends because I'll be so disconnected by empathising with their problems. And I should probably fit in the odd visit from my Mother, I imagine she'll miss me dearly.

Okay, so when I'm picturing this, I know this is the part where I need to write. I'll be posting a Valentine's Day special on the 13th. Until then.

The thing about me is#1....(And, how I broke the Bus System)

What's all this?!

This, my dear reader(s), is what I'm calling the "Thing about me is" segment of my blog. It is dedicated to telling you more about me so that my rants and ramblings are far more fascinating with astound, amazing...CONTEXT! Man, how I love context. You can take context out of something and make it all dirty. For instance: "Gee that's big!" can be taken as some great, classic, crude double entendre. Man, what is it with me listening adjectives tonight? S'very strange. I'm running low on sleep due to my lovely book being lost on my pen drive. While my greatest friends, who I cannot begin to say how great they are here for it will take up the entire blog never mind this post, spent time scouring everywhere for it but the thing never turned up. 14K. Gone. I was distraught.

However, last weekend, I slaved my ass off living on a diet of Tea, Mochas, Cider, Chocolate and my lovely Mother having made some meals of some sort between all there to try to return to my former glory: a wannabe writer with a 14,000 word story. I didn't quite get there but, 10.8K isn't that far from it, right? That was due to staying up until the early hours of Sunday morning and then continuing the second my body managed itself from bed. Which was surprisingly easy, as this ranter seems to struggle to like his sleep at the moment and spending a lot of his time up instead of down. (Yes, I think that's a good way to put it). But anyway: what the hell does this have to do with 'contextualising' myself/blog?

Well, I'm beginning to talk about something that defines me: extremity. That sounds like an odd, disturbing thing to say. You could probably expect like, several Extremist Anarchist views or something now but no, I think it's best to say that I'm not like that but, emotionally, I seem to not have 'normal feelings'. I either am really happy or really down, really calm or really tense. And you could blame over-active hormones pumping through my bones, not to mention testosterone and pressure of exams and what not but other people seem to have more of a control of these "whimsy mood swings" of theirs. I, on the other hand, shoot from one end to the other. And that can be a bad thing.

Why isn't it a bad thing all the time? Surely being a figurative roller coaster of emotional is UNBEARABLE. 

(I want everyone to take note that I avoided saying "emotional roller coaster" in this latest heading. Because man, I hate that term).

No. Well, yes. As you can imagine, the highs are good. The lows...not so much. My former ways of dealing with them was not pretty. S'not something for the blog, even with this new sparkly comic-styled section. [Author's note: the only thing that makes this comic-styled is having "#1" like an issue. This is probably very uncomicbook like, unfortunately]. But it's not that bad. See, I use to think it was. Being hurtled from happiness to sadness, vice-versa, it can be daunting to get out of bed sometimes. But my emotional extremity can be used in constructive ways: I seem to write an awful lot of poetry because of it and generally have a good creative flow. A good way to vent.

But, generally, it comes with its perks. My eccentricity and interest can be fiery and passionate, I can sometimes be unstoppable. However, if blown back by the blues (there's so many Bs in that it's like: woah--) then I am weak and rather fickle with little motivation for anything. My brain, forever an active place, will swing from one to the other if I allow it. When you live like this for most of your life, for though I believe it's a definite hormone-based thing I have had it before all those things started stirring, you kind of learn slowly how to deal with it. For me it took some help of a lot of forgiving friends and family members and not to mention a hand-dose of therapy.

While I haven't rid of Emotional extremity and that does mean really grim times it is not unbearable, for the good has begun to definite be more frequent/outweigh the bad. On top of that, the bad isn't that unbearable now because I have different ways of approaching it. Which is why I write blog posts and what not.

But, what does you breaking a Bus system have to do with any of this??

This is partially a "The thing about me is..." post and a rant.

It's an example, I guess, of how my fragile emotional state gets through the day. I had devised a plan to go shopping into the local town before my choir practice, which also takes place in the local town. The idea was simple: catch the school bus from my school (several different buses head from my school and my school is in the awkward-third-cousin-village of the entire county) so I would just get on that, go to town then to Choir. IF I couldn't get on that bus for whatever reason (missing it, not enough space, zombies, etc.) then i would just get the Choir bus that leaves at 4:10. To explain in brief point:

-I would get a school bus to the local town at around 3:50, school finishing at 3:30
-If refused entrance then I'd get the normal Choir bus from my school at 4:10, which would mean not time to get my shopping errand done.

In the past, I've just gotten the Sixth Former bus. There are three buses that go to this town as a large portion of the school attend from this town and they can't all fit on one. I don't like getting the one for the younger years as I'm well known by everyone and would be pestered by little'uns. The other one, for Years 10-11 (where I'd be regularly) was full of my year/people I was avoiding. So, I thought: I know, I'll get the bus my Ex is on. I use to do it all the time when we were together and we're getting along so she tell me where to get off, etc.

But, the school started to freak when my friend 'Sion' came out of my regular bus dopely going: "Doi, why aren't you on the bus??" Thus, the school went into full-panic. Now, I go to a Welsh school and the majority of the time, it's easy to just speak Welsh. But when surrounded by panic, they could be Spanish for all I care. I tried explaining my situation but, some Teacher I don't particularly like was the first to begin and she had a tendency of treating me like an idiot. And this links into the Emotional Extremity part of this, for all you young whipper-snappers who think you're all clever because I just seem to be going on a tangent.

Sometimes, I'm difficult to approach. Ask my family, friends. Anyone. People aren't always sure how I'm going to react because on the off-chance I'm going to react like a bloody monster from the deep blue sea. The truth is: I'm going to probably debate your point with you but, I'm going to be fine most of the time unless I specify. I mean, maybe that's an interior look and on the exterior, it doesn't look like that whatsoever. Who knows, I'm just making observations/statements that make me look like a saint. It's my Blog, I can do whatever I like, damn it!

Anyway, Teachers know this about me. That emotional extremity is why I get away with a lot and why I get pushed harder sometimes. So, in the defence of this Teacher who I do not like that much, she was probably expecting something like this:

(Though, minus the hair. It's not that long any more and I'm far from being Aaran-blonde).

Thus, I stopped any bus from moving before putting my hands up in the air and leaving in a storm and resulted in not getting errands done, around three teachers having a go at me but a cracking story and realisation that one person can simply destroy the apparent "order" set up by the school. And that makes me come up with several evil plans for future use...

So, people the thing about me is: I'm an emotional basket case and simple things such as trying to run an errand can be a bit stressful for me and everyone around me.

But it makes me passionate, aspiring and sometimes jolly enough to be able to make me so confident in myself that hopefully, I can even brighten other people's day. And in times like that, it makes the gloom and doom seem rather small.

(Current word count is iffy, everyone, as I'm floating with two drafts. But that might be explained later, see y'all next in "Why, as a Romantic, I hate Valentine's Day!")