I am a troubled Welsh Man.

Dydd Gwyl Dewi hapus is chi gyd.

A happy St. David’s day to you all.

I’ve taken this day, a rather historic one in the Welsh-Christian calendar, to talk about my own approach to my national identity. To briefly sum it up; I find it a bugger trying to decide my nationality. I was born in Wales, which is of course a part of the UK, to Welsh-English parents. My Mother is half Welsh, half Irish and whereas my father is Anglo-Indian. Whenever I’m talking to someone who’s abroad, I identify as British. If they further interrogate this statement I reveal I was born and have lived in Wales my entire life. I can speak Welsh fluently, having studied only in Welsh right up until Sixth Form. I support Wales in the rugby, I’ve taken part in cultural traditions (Eisteddfodau, that sort of thing) and am quite happy to do choral music in Welsh.

But then I think about the frankness that I’ve noticed in the Welsh cultural identity. If you’re second language Welsh – there are two types of people. Those who mock you for your broken attempts at Welsh and those who encourage you. I don’t see the latter often enough and certainly didn’t experience that in school. Indeed, I remember in about Year 10 being mocked for asking for a tissue incorrectly by a teacher. I have noticed before and probably will again, certain areas in Wales where if you’re speaking English, you are treated as if you have bubonic plague. There’s the stiff upper lip, the sort of judgemental arrogance that comes with being quite old fashioned and set in your way. It is this which makes me sympathise with those who wish to never endeavour in speaking the language and hate that it is on our national curriculum.

However, I understand that the Welsh peoples have felt persecution. It goes back to 1282 – the last time a true “welsh prince” existed – it goes to the Act of Union of the mid-1500s. Our churches, our provincial governments, our culture and language have been assaulted upon constantly. Even by our own; if you look to David Lloyd George, to Dylan Thomas; two Welsh men who hid from their national identity. We have lost our powers and our economic strengths as soon as our industries went bust. And what is left in a small nation inside a small nation but a hollowed out shell of what it once was? A very angry collective who are fighting to keep themselves alive. I understand and empathise with the anger but, paradoxically, it drives me away from the Welsh. I treat those who are supposedly my national kin as “the others”.

Perhaps this is snobby of me. 

Perhaps I’ve caved; I be British instead of Welsh because Welsh are so looked down upon. But I think it goes back to quite a historical problem the Welsh have. We all hate the English and, inside our ranks, there’s hierarchy in and of itself. I’m not “Welsh enough” but still Welsh enough to be the butt of English people’s jokes. And that frustrates me to no end. I’ve heard comments that if they were said about any other race we’d say they were xenophobic. I’ll fight against anyone who claims that they’re not, thoroughly thrashing it out. But then I turn to the people who I’m meant to be a part of and because I’ve got “polished English”, I feel then isolated away from them. Because I’m just not in the neat box of Welsh as defined by those “above me.”

What I will say is this. There are no other mountains which I can say have defined me. It is upon the mountains near my home that I’ve found a great sense of purpose, of belief and have found my greatest ideas. My bond to them will be eternal. It is there, in the past, I’ve found my true self. And THAT is what I will always remember of Wales! Those glorious mountains and how, in so many ways, Wales offers itself as such a spiritual habitat. There are stories which travel the hills, great ones with battles and true loves. We are one of two countries in the world to have an alternative to Valentine’s Day – Santes Dwynwen, which is far more romantic than the tradition celebrated on the 14^th of February. 

Our image should be that history as well as one of hope. We're the 'race' who have survived; our language still travels the world and we still hear it being spoken in our country. We should encourage people, positively, at attempts at Welsh. My Taid (Grandfather) never heard English until he was thirteen years old. When he passed away, my Mother had two of his colleagues approach her saying they'd never bothered to learn Welsh before until they met him. His encouraging, open attitude was once which made them adjust their behaviour. Positivity goes a long way when it comes to cultural barriers. We should show our stories, our songs and how we feel that we have a lot to add to the make up of Britain and how we are welcoming. 

Politically (I'm not to dwell on this for once), we're a strong force that's growing. Plaid Cymru are a somewhat sensible platform; they talk of devolution before cultural revolution. They believe in trying to expand the identity of Wales across the world, as well as trying to promote smaller Welsh businesses. This is a way forward for us. And that of which we're not happy with? Charles being "our Prince", the role of Westminister in our government, the lack thereof Welsh support in education? These are issues you take slowly towards. We should make sure to remember the North has just as much to offer as the South by making use of that WAG building in Llandudno Junction, for instance. To end our tribal-like divisions to make a unified Wales; one that offers encouragement and strength, not just a proud old fashioned people. 

So, after writing this, do I feel more Welsh than before? No. I still feel quite Welsh as much as I feel British. I hope that some day this turmoil can make me feel quite proud to take a Welsh cake, put on a daffodil and say "Dwi'n Cymro am byth."  

A note on Charlie Hebdo (and free speech as a whole).

One of the things that I’ve noticed amongst the most leftist political commentators, some of whom I would identify as friends, is that despite this heinous crime the content of “Charlie Hebdo” should not be forgotten about. That, while it does not justify this horrific, abhorrent crime, the magazine was apparently filled with xenophobia, racism, sexism and the like. One blog I follow noted that freedom of speech should be granted but that this magazine was “hate speech” and should not be incorporated into arguments concerning freedom of speech.

The most important thing to remember about freedom of speech is that it gives anyone a right to the microphone of publishing content, should they choose to take it.

And many consider this a “problem” about free speech ideology.  That without this, movements like the KKK and UKIP would crumble instantly. Because while everyone is entitled to whatever opinion they may have, it is only those of perhaps a pure mind or heart that should be listened to. This is, essentially, where most of left wing’s elitism lies. It is not tied to finance but instead to what they believe to be intellectual and what they deem as ignorant ideas from ignorant men and woman. Which is a fair argument until eventually; it just becomes about they’re fighting against.

I thought it’d be a good time now to incorporate something I heard from the Commons coverage yesterday whilst they were discussing the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill said by a Labour backbencher concerning the Paris Attack;

“In expressing our horror about what has occurred in Paris, some understandably ask how it is possible that it could take place. They ask how it is possible that journalists could be gunned down in the way they have been because of what has been written or because of cartoons. The answer is simple: we are dealing with murderous psychopaths. If hon. Members are puzzled or mystified by how such an outrage could occur, I simply ask them to remember what the Nazis did and remember the millions of people murdered for one reason only—not their politics and so on, but simply their racial origin. We are dealing here with people with a Nazi mindset, who consider it an obligation, as the Nazis did, to take lives."

By granting those who do not agree with you a voice, you are opening yourselves to outside of the parameters you have designed for yourself.

So what do we do? Make sure UKIP has as much time with the megaphone as the Government? Perhaps I am. Because they’re free to think what they like and technically, say what they like. But that doesn’t mean I’m totally shutting my doors to the idea I mentioned earlier – but instead, I would like to rephrase the sentiments of left wing thinking. (Naturally, the only course forward is to look at American politics!)

In 1984, one of the various clever tactics of President Reagan’s re-election campaign was to delegitimise the attempts Walter Mondale made for the White House. He allowed Mondale to speak on the same issues and to bring up issues that Reagan hadn’t addressed. Ideas that he disagreed with. However, whenever they side-by-side he simply made his philosophies sound like the only procedure and Mondale’s some alien’s design. It is about the legitimacy one has on a subject in comparison to someone who is not as well versed in such a matter.

It is the way to deal with those who are uniformed on feminist issues or LGBT. It is the way to address racial issues – to truly win a debate on any platform, your argument must look like the legitimate, correct one whilst still allowing your opposition to voice theirs. And if people have felt in the past that Charlie Hebdo has shown to be “hate speech” then it is simple – prove your argument to more than the simple squabbles of what many consider to be a new dawn of political correctness. Because for many? It was a magazine that did not allow the aristocracy, the great established organised churches of our world, to live with their glass ceilings.

But despite this quite convoluted argument concerning free speech, I think we can all agree that the crime committed was an atrocity. And the second you start killing those who are simply guilty of making people laugh then I can only assume that your understanding of the world is limited to the structures of your small minded caves.  

Voting f*cking matters.

Right. So. I've not really commented on Scottish Independence since the whole political began and now it's racing towards its finish it seems I'm jumping on a rather large bandwagon. And reason I've not wanted to say anything on the matter is because I'm not as smart as anyone thinks I am and really am not qualified to talk about it. But what I am going to talk about is a really interesting point about this whole referendum vote and how it's helped the race be neck and neck:

16 Year Olds get to vote.

I know what you're thinking. "I don't care about politics," says the average teenager. But in a country where you have no tuition fees in rather excellent Universities why the hell aren't you going to support the Government and leadership that helped you with that. Scotland has managed to jump onto some rather untapped potential: young people. Most of us can't vote and, by the time we're 18, have been completely jaded. I know this because I'm nearly 18 and while I'm ecstatic to be a member of the electorate, I know most of my friends are not as enthusiastic.

This vote is proof of the power of the people and power of the vote. Scottish young people have been politically enticed by governments' promises that have been kept. If you started to offer services for tomorrow's generation as a government, you could most definitely gain a new base in a matter of months. An issue I see frequently come up amongst young people in my constituency and its neighbouring constituency (which would be Gwynedd) is how public transport is hugely expensive for a place where jobs are scarce and rather remote rural country side surrounds us.

If as an MP you managed to change the buses and/or trains to make them more financially viable for teenagers then you'd have a huge block of undecided voters early. Having the vote by 16, the age where socially you begin to start venturing outwards more & more, it'd be an amazing way to grab their attention. I want politics lessons in our schools nationally, to give foundations as to what we're signing up to but I know that's a longer battle/debate. So you would grab a load of kids who weren't taking in your party-bias or complete ideological bias. You'd take kids who would be appreciative of your services to your represented area(s).

Democracy is a covenant between a Government and its people. Every few years, we get to interview who rules our laws and we enter a voting booth with one of the greatest powers we're given as a free people. Scotland may be defecting from its neighbouring countries because that power is taken very seriously as a responsibility for young people to take on board. And right now it's made history by kids getting told they have a voice that they must use themselves. If this covenant is not upheld, our leaders win by microscopic majorities. And that is how corruption is created.

So, remember the power you have in a vote; it's the only one we're ever given. And Scotland having 51% yes in some polls is an example of that.

1900 Palestinians, 67 Israelis.

This comes from someone with a very limited scope of the struggles of Palestinian men, women and children or the struggles of Jewish men, women and children. But I have watched the news these past 2-3 weeks, I have read articles, I have made sure to hear  varying opinions on this matter. I was watching the News tonight & that figure that I have above as a title is the death toll of both sides. The thing I think that gets me most about this is that John Kerry went on camera only a few months ago and said this concerning Russia and Ukraine: 

"Russia has refused to take a single concrete step in the right direction.  Not a single Russian official, not one, has publicly gone on television in Ukraine and called on the separatists to support the Geneva agreement, to support the stand-down, to give up their weapons, and get out of the Ukrainian buildings" -- (Said by John Kerry, Secretary of State, State Department Press Briefing, Washington DC on 24/4/2014). 

When the US State Department announced its position on Ukraine and Russia, it was one that I implored. Russia has behaved badly against an  area/region of the world that has always been a riddle in Russian politics, the politics of the Cold War. Only for the crisis in Gaza to erupt when suddenly, the United States has not condemned Israel's actions of Zionism. And it makes me physically uncomfortable to think about for a long time. 

Currently, Anti-Semitism has hit a rise in Europe/the Western World. I can't fathom this. I'm always willing to support the Jewish communities of the world; the Jews are a very closed off people due to their beliefs. They believe that they are part of a Covenant, which is welcoming of anyone who respect its customs. However, to be Jewish is not to be Zionist. It is the same as saying that to be Islam is to be terrorist or to be Christian is to be affiliated with the rampant bigotry done in the name of Christ. 

The belief that a Promised Land should be given to the Israelites is one that, as a world-state, we cannot necessarily support. This is not to say that the Jewish people should not feel welcomed in countries; for anyone of any faith should be able to walk as freely as a Roman did during the rein of the Empire - a Civis Romanus for all those of faith should be implemented. That is idealistic to think, I understand, but I speak of a people who have countlessly been attacked by societies and political movements. 

But, for us as a world to just freely give land to any religion that requests it for their ancient Holy Books - often misunderstood -is one that cannot be condoned. I am Quaker, the Englishman William Penn tried to colonise Pennsylvania, it is said to have been founded on Quaker ideals. Over 300 years later, am I entitled to claim it is the province of the Friends of Truth? No. And while the comparison is nowhere near to the extremes of Gaza - for most of the Arab World is very intricate - a principal here stands: we cannot live in a free world if people, in the name of G-d, do not claim that this world is not all our Promised Land. 

The Kingdom of Judaea was once great but has fallen - now we must strive towards a Kingdom of Earth, of unity. So now, I'm unsure what to do for the many Palestinians who suffers thanks to extreme zealous but I shall continue to pledge my support for their freedom. For the numbers above still stay within my mind. 

The end of another year: 2013 in reflection.

The 29th.

So I've decided for my 'end of year' post to try and do it in three segments so I can abbreviate. This one is the apologies bit that I made no fuss over the fact I've reach the limbo age of teen, 17, in which one can claim to be a child yet justify downing some vodka because you're nearly 18, after all. I've enjoyed this transaction, as it's been rather strange leaving behind 16 - an age I felt I'd settled into rather well, carrying the correct amount of angst to pull it off. 

On top of this, I've had Rants for over a year now and made no fuss. I think I'll made a fuss every prime number or something, that'd be a fun tradition to begin. But maybe not. Maybe nothing needed to be said, rants was not there over a year ago or so and now it is, serving as my "message" to the people. Well, outside of all the other sites I'm, which serve as temporary vessels whereas this is my main ship, sort of thing.

Now onto the topic at hand; the end of 2013. I'm not going to lie about this year, as it's easy for everyone to do. People either undermine what they have done or glorify it. By keeping it to the strictest reality one's memory can, you get an honest reflection. And over a period of 365 days, when you really think about it, you probably have done a lot more then you give yourself credit for. Good and bad. 

It's like when you've not seen a friend in a while then you tell them what's been 'going on' and you suddenly blank, only over the natural course of conversation being able to update them of all sorts going on. They'll interpret everything going on as very hectic and recognise your accomplishments. You won't. Why? Because it's your life, very hard to do so with your own life, you're living it. 

It's why autobiographies are shocking for many, as they realise their lives are readable, eventful things. A lot happened to me, which I'll talk about tomorrow. *Click*


The 30th

OK. So I best get on with talking about the year. Tomorrow's going to be about the future. Today is going to be about the year itself. 2013 was eventful. Every year is, like I said yesterday. But it was eventful as life happened but it wasn't as crazy as it has been. In many ways, it's been a quiet one. The first sixth months I spent a lot of time in "relationship limbo", only to have the last four be "ohgodwhyamIlonely" which are not really two great states to be at all. I had about 2 months break from this in July to August then kinda of thrown into the deep end of reality about it.

That's been tough. But then, I think about what I've accomplished: I did my GCSEs this year -- actually getting good enough grades in them (aside Maths), I found my Path to Quakerim and managed to move school 'successfully'. There were some goodbyes which do feel apt to this day for some people in my life but in many ways, I think my friends and I have bonded in ways that school was limiting us to do so. And then, this has been a year to make several new friends. Moving school does that to a fellow.

I found the move was a big event. I was so settled, or so I thought, only to be whisked away and find myself in a new environment without the friends of yesteryear that I usually had to fall back on. I flutter quite often, it's how I deal with being so extroverted. But my close friends were a safety net, who didn't just had to engage me in debate or whatever and I could just relax. I couldn't just do that with any group of people. But it occurs to me, despite theatrics, I am an honest person and that made life easier. So many new people I've met, such an excellent, thriving academic atmosphere.

Then the Quakerism. I've been on my path to learn of my light for some 5 months now and it's always changing and developing. I'm more evangelical in my practice of Quakerism, and in many ways aside living by the testimonies of Peace/Love/Equality/Truth, I actually talk more theologically like a Christian - however what I actually believe is very complex. And that's natural. The story my path is  quite simple: I turned up at the mountains and believe that there was more, as I looked around at the almost artistic beauty.

Since then, I've found myself being happier as I've answered a lot of spiritual questions. So between that and meeting a bunch of awesome new people, the year has been good to me in a lot of ways. I've opened up spiritually, learning a lot about myself which in turn has meant that the life long friend of me is actually way more likeable. That has kept me strong throughout this year. That I a worth things, that I am not worth other things. And that's honestly why I walk around with an air of exuberance...or arrogance as a lo of other people would call it. Perhaps it is!

2013 was the time I awoke; the time I began to get focused. I want to do things, I have ambitions and I want to be able to follow them through. So that is my year, in a very short manner as I don't have 365 days to relay it to you. But it's been grand, as most times are and I hope it can only better. A lot of people are feeling 2014 as a big year, for some reason I'm feeling like it's the Year of the Great Debate. And I have around...7 hours and 2 minutes until it begins, more or less. The excitement. And tomorrow, I get it'd be "resolutions" but I don't want to be shot out back so tomorrow is about the many tomorrows to come.  *Click*.

The 31st

Here we are again.

One of my biggest problems is that in the long run I never know what I want so I cross a lot in my views. It means I develop but also never actually get things done. So what I'm trying to do is make sure that I do have things done. That stories are finished, that poetry makes it past my whiteboard and then my RPG ideas actually become RPGs. Along with this, the extra-notes I plan on doing for school? Actually fucking do them Uly. Each time I've finished something this year, there's been an immense amount of pride and it's worked well. Hopefully, my to do list in 2014 will shrink as time goes on.

Pacing myself, making sure I spend the correct amount of time. I begin things but I want to make sure I see things through. Even if in 2015, 2016, etc means I don't, I want 2014 to count for me finishing everything. And not to be overly-ambitious. Currently; I have an idea for a Doctor Who fic, a Steampunk Fantasy World and Superhero stories. IT's actually just getting it down on paper, I really want to make sure I don't fuck up. Leave "WIP" on every document until I can renamed it finished. (I'd love to go through all the hard drives and dig things up but...Jesus that'd take a lot of time).

I'm not saying anything's going to be fantastic next year because, I don't know. I have a feeling that with Scottish Independence, heated up Right Wing Movements and the General Election not too far away, not to mention a heap of other problems (it'll be interesting to see where Syria is in a year for instance) there's going to be a lot of high-octane debate. I welcome you, our future, to teach us old messages some that one day we may learn something new. That really is all I have to say. Carry on doing what I'm doing, finish things, make sure we get a crack good debate out of events.

Happy New Year's Eve and goodbye to you, 2013 A.D.


*Click*

The 28th Day of the 11th Month.

Today is a rather monumental day in the calendar of Uly's teens. Around a couple of years ago, I had a bit scare that I struggle to ever forget. So today I play a lot of Frank Turner and I struggle to feel anything but sad. But that's OK. Because sometimes, we feel sad. It's all about how you deal with that. Nowadays? I think I'm pretty good at dealing with it. Back then; perhaps not. But those events have shaped me to the young man I am today. And as painful as it was, I think taking it all away would be foolish, even if I could.

Many great things have happened since then. Many bad things too, naturally. I once got told that through life - joy and pain walk hand in hand. It is something that has stayed with me forever and then some. It makes the bad times easier, knowing that it is simply natural to have bad times. Helps me appreciate the good when it's right in front of me. Which I think is good for *my* welfare - you can be as miserable as you like if it works for you but attempting shinning optimism is how I can get out of bed and how I finish the day.

It's hard. It always will be. I was speaking with a friend recently who told me we are, as humans, dissatisfied. It's how we got out of the caves. But, emotionally, that's very hard to interpret. I think that's why we have faith, or spirituality - it offers some existential satisfaction. Maybe I'm wrong, after all - I'm just sixteen year old kid trying to figure out his place in the world. And that's the honest truth of it.

I've felt numb for a lot of today - even with a lot of this rationalising about the good and bad of life, particularly to do with two years ago. I can't help it. But I think one of the reasons I've felt numb is that all I've had to do is look around and see the good things in my life. The EXCELLENT things. I'm seemingly surrounded by friends - all more smarter, kinder souls then me - who seem  to really enjoy my company.

I have an environment where finally *I* feel accepted and I'm getting to do subjects I enjoy and then, on top of that, clubs I enjoy. My old friends - we look like ancient brothers when we stand next to each other. Our encounters now are like we had been given the opportunity to simply wander to the heavens and go into our splendour memories to simply have fun.

Life is good. And I hear that life isn't so good for other people but trust me; it does get better. You have to be in charge of that, which is hard but it does. I'm a testament to it. Buddhism talks about this idea of how we're constantly getting reborn until we reach enlightenment, as a punishment. I didn't like this idea at first but it makes me think "we're all on a path to redemption". And that really sums up life for me.

Finally, between this rather cryptic ramble, I have a lot of people to thank. I was going to try and tag you all and say something different but there's a lot of you. Seriously. A lot of you. To whoever's just gone "well I hope you're okay"/"well I'm here if you need to talk", to those who've said I'm a lovely person, to those women - AH THOSE WOMEN! Who have had unrivalled patience with my foolishness, to those close friends, to the family and to the guy who saved me, 2 years tomorrow that is.

To the absent friends, the ones who stayed, the ones who've just come in and the (hopefully) many more to come in the future. I love you all. I am self-absorbed, arrogant, egotistical, theatrical, loud, strange and struggle with lots of "human" things but I do. And please, seriously, you are all so wonderful and I am honoured that you are all my friends. And without further adieu, here's the mandatory "If I Ever Stray" Quote by Frank Turner:

"If you've got my back I'll go on, if you got my back I'll go on."

X