Many great things have happened since then. Many bad things too, naturally. I once got told that through life - joy and pain walk hand in hand. It is something that has stayed with me forever and then some. It makes the bad times easier, knowing that it is simply natural to have bad times. Helps me appreciate the good when it's right in front of me. Which I think is good for *my* welfare - you can be as miserable as you like if it works for you but attempting shinning optimism is how I can get out of bed and how I finish the day.
It's hard. It always will be. I was speaking with a friend recently who told me we are, as humans, dissatisfied. It's how we got out of the caves. But, emotionally, that's very hard to interpret. I think that's why we have faith, or spirituality - it offers some existential satisfaction. Maybe I'm wrong, after all - I'm just sixteen year old kid trying to figure out his place in the world. And that's the honest truth of it.
I've felt numb for a lot of today - even with a lot of this rationalising about the good and bad of life, particularly to do with two years ago. I can't help it. But I think one of the reasons I've felt numb is that all I've had to do is look around and see the good things in my life. The EXCELLENT things. I'm seemingly surrounded by friends - all more smarter, kinder souls then me - who seem to really enjoy my company.
I have an environment where finally *I* feel accepted and I'm getting to do subjects I enjoy and then, on top of that, clubs I enjoy. My old friends - we look like ancient brothers when we stand next to each other. Our encounters now are like we had been given the opportunity to simply wander to the heavens and go into our splendour memories to simply have fun.
Life is good. And I hear that life isn't so good for other people but trust me; it does get better. You have to be in charge of that, which is hard but it does. I'm a testament to it. Buddhism talks about this idea of how we're constantly getting reborn until we reach enlightenment, as a punishment. I didn't like this idea at first but it makes me think "we're all on a path to redemption". And that really sums up life for me.
Finally, between this rather cryptic ramble, I have a lot of people to thank. I was going to try and tag you all and say something different but there's a lot of you. Seriously. A lot of you. To whoever's just gone "well I hope you're okay"/"well I'm here if you need to talk", to those who've said I'm a lovely person, to those women - AH THOSE WOMEN! Who have had unrivalled patience with my foolishness, to those close friends, to the family and to the guy who saved me, 2 years tomorrow that is.
To the absent friends, the ones who stayed, the ones who've just come in and the (hopefully) many more to come in the future. I love you all. I am self-absorbed, arrogant, egotistical, theatrical, loud, strange and struggle with lots of "human" things but I do. And please, seriously, you are all so wonderful and I am honoured that you are all my friends. And without further adieu, here's the mandatory "If I Ever Stray" Quote by Frank Turner:
"If you've got my back I'll go on, if you got my back I'll go on."
X
